shholly Shhilly

UAB

2010-05-14T21:33:00.000-07:00

It has been sooo long! I am working my second shift as an RA on campus and the hours are 9pm to 1am. Seems harsh but really I like it; it's so laid back. I am starting to get tired actually but this is good because lately it's been hard to get to sleep. Because of my late night shift, I have been able to talk to Shirley for the first time in months! I'm so happy about it!
My first Semester at the University of Alabama at Birmingham is over and went smoothly. My suite mate and I became really great friends and I'm sooo thankful for that! I also made friends with some of my other suite mates...I had three. :) We had a lot of fun and I miss them now that I have a room and everything to myself. I recently got a couch moved into my room so it feels less lonely. Sam, my old suite mate stayed the night with me a couple of nights ago and it was AWESOME because I haven't had a sleepover since high school.
So I no longer work at Allstate and I'm a full time student...well, not this summer. I have been so much happier since leaving Allstate. It was a long process but I see now that Allstate was necessary to get me out from my parents household. I'm so much more stable now and super excited about life.
WOW, I'm starting to see double!
Making good grades is a lot a lot easier than I thought it would be. I actually studied this semester and turned everything in and it wasn't so time consuming as I thought it would be.
This is a song that I thought was really beautiful:

I fell in love again
all things go, all things go
drove to Chicago
all things know, all things know
we sold our clothes to the state
I don't mind, I don't mind
I made a lot of mistakes
in my mind, in my mind

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

I drove to New York
in a van, with my friend
we slept in parking lots
I don't mind, I don't mind
I was in love with the place
in my mind, in my mind
I made a lot of mistakes
in my mind, in my mind

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

if I was crying
in the van, with my friend
it was for freedom
from myself and from the land
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
(I made a lot of mistakes)
all things know, all things know
(I made a lot of mistakes)
you had to find it
(I made a lot of mistakes)
all things go, all things go
(I made a lot of mistakes)

Can't wait to talk to you again, Shirley!

-An Qi

2010-03-01T09:31:00.000-08:00

So I was browsing facebook and came across some blogs....
And wow.
Urban Outfitters is not where fashion ends. SORRY
I couldn't help myself.

So I've moved onto UAB's campus which is awesome. I've been given some awesome room mates and I'm really getting involved. My advisor emailed me about becoming an SGA senate because no one else was running for the school of general studies. So here I am completing a small internship for senate...never thought I would be joining SGA. It's crazy! I have also interviewed to be an RA, however, I feel I may have screwed up that last interview (I made it to the final round.). We shall see!

I've also been really applying myself which I haven't done since 5th grade...very interesting. Turns out I'm good at math.

Today I was missing Shirley (because we rarely get to talk) and took out some of the stuff she sent me. Some of it I hadn't used and decided it was time to use so I would be reminded of her. :) Miss you Shirley!

AHHH Tea :)

2009-09-26T22:57:00.000-07:00

Tea is so wonderful :) So soothing.

I am settled in at the Barksdale's and completely out of the apartment. Our lease was up on Friday! This week was also my first day back to work from my month long break. It wasn't so bad the first day but the middle of the week was horrible. I felt as if the day dragged on....I ended up leaving after two hours and had to make it up later on in the week. I think I've gotten back into the groove of things now.

Last time I talked about how I do whatever people want me to do, so I don't have to suffer the consequences (like a guilt trip). With what I'm going through, I need as little stress as possible. I believe God does things or lets things happen for a reason. I know that what I've been diagnosed with is not good news, but since I've been diagnosed God has shown me areas of my life that have to change in order for survival. Like saying no to certain people that repeatedly hurt me. Not taking on everyone's burdens, and actually thinking of myself. I told my community group that I'm really really tired of talking about it (and I am sooo tired of it), but I'm grateful for how God is using this.
Speaking of my savior, ....Jake and I had been going to Christ the King Anglican Church for a long time now but I feel that we don't belong there. I've met the same people 5 times but am somehow a stranger. I love the church but it's God's decision as to where I will serve and worship. So now we are trying the church we came from and also Red Mountain. I haven't been really connected to a church in a while and I'm ready.

Has then been a really hard time in your life that you look back on and realize that you are truly grateful for it because you learned one of the most important lessons of your life?

Shirley!!! Those pictures are so great! What kind of camera do you have?? When do you go back home?
I haven't sent your package yet but I'm trying to make it better than the last! I found this awesome store downtown that sells all different kinds of nicknack's and old stuff! I also didn't want to send your package until you got home, so let me know!
It's so great that you are growing !!
I miss you!

Holly

Life as a German

2009-09-12T07:08:00.000-07:00

H E L L O again!!

It's been a while since the last time I blogged. So I'm doing it now in Germany!! Many things have happened since my last post, and I will try to let you know about it in the next days. And now, about my life in Germany.

I would say it's a picturesque country full of vibrant flowers cascading from window boxes, charming old towns with cobblestone roads.

It's just as you see it in pictures, really! Overall, Germany is gorgeous, the people are friendly, and most speak at least some English. Believe me. Lots of Americans over there, no worry.

The cities are so clean and sometimes have the Middle Ages feel where you enter the main streets from arched walk ways and stone streets.

Every day we would be off to explore another city, town, mountain, or village, either by train or car.

Anyway, what I wanted to talk about today is about what happens on Sundays in Germany. In Germany almost all shops are closed on Sunday. Supermarkets, malls, bakeries, shops, bookshops, etc. Sunday is a day to be with family and no work, like cutting the grass, is done on this day.

I was not used to it at all. Back in my home country, supermarkets and malls are open the whole week and some even 24 hours.

The pace of life is much slower and more enjoyable. I go the the grocery store almost every day. Food is fresher and foods like chicken and beef dont have a lot of preservatives and dont last but a day or two in the refrigerator.

I did a lot of shopping at the german markets. Everything is really cheap. Like $1.00 for a package of cheese.

The food is amazing - if you pass a street vendor selling sausages, BUY ONE, because that's some of the best food EVER!
The beer, of course, is wonderful, and practically every town has their own brewery. Regardless if you are a fan of beer or not, the best place in the world to enjoy the variety and quality of good beer is here. They do have very strange ideas about pizza too.

Getting off the food kick, one of the neatest things about living in Germany is how easy it is to get to other countries - you can take on road trips to Netherlands, Denmark, France, Italy, Austria, Switzerland etc.

There's also a ton to see and do in Germany itself, and most towns and cities have an older section sometimes dating back 800 or more years!

I'll never forget the first time I saw that Castle, it was magnificent, my first castle, high above the town, overlooking everything, it seemed so majestic and magical to me.

That was the Neuschwanstein Castle in Southwest, Germany, an inspiration Walt Disney used to make Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella's castles.

The mountains and countryside are beautiful. There are flowers everywhere. The history there is amazing and incredible.

It was so unimaginable when you go into a church that is 1000 years old. Christmas markets are wonderful and we really missed them this year.

Needless to say, this experience of traveling and living in Germany for a month changed my life and my way of looking at things like no other before or since.

What started out as somewhat fearful of the unknown, has turned into my lifelong quest for travel, sometimes bordering on the edge of obsession, to learn about other places, people and cultures.

Well i could go on and on. There are so many wonderful thing to experience.There's so much more to tell.

Just remember: don't be afraid to get out and experience your surroundings. Eat, drink and be happy.

Shirley

What's New??

2009-09-10T11:03:00.000-07:00

So what's new with all of you?? Hope everything is well!
I've been off work recently and I'm dreading going back....I'm not sure if I'm ready.

So, I didn't enroll for school this semester because my lease isn't up until the end of September and Allstate wont let me work part time. So I'll be enrolling next semester :)
I was supposed to move in with my parents for 3 months but hey,....I just couldn't. I got so stressed out about it and I've been told to reconsider...So I did. I'm a horrible decision maker. I've made all these "smart" decisions that has had me compromise my quality of life. I can't make the decisions that are healthy for me - The ones where I'm not draining myself and making myself go crazy. I've always been this way because I've been taught to make others happy. I mean, when I've tried to make good decisions for myself, I have had to face the consequence of my parents reaction. My mom, up until recently, would get upset if I showed that I could not live with her and my stepfather or that I couldn't take her advice or if I was distancing myself from her. I say up until recently because lately she's been concerned. The last two times I've freaked out it's been over a fight that's we have had. She's kind of gotten to the point where she doesn't care about what the decision is as long as I'm in a healthy place that I want to be in. So when I told her I didn't think I could handle moving back, she was okay with it.. That scared me honestly and I started crying on the phone because I was scared that once I moved in with someone else (most likely Jake's parents) then she would start being moody and upset. She said she wouldn't and understood that I felt this way because that's how she normally reacts. So she really wants me to just be better. That's a huge relief. When I was told to reconsider living with them, I started having anxiety attacks because I didn't think I could tell my mom.

Are you like that? Always trying to please others and not knowing how to do things for yourself?
I would have told you before that I do things for myself, because I do. I buy things for myself and do what I want for the most part. Put when it comes to doing what my parents or family want me to do, I do whatever so I don't have to deal with them being upset.

Jake found an article about a interview with Chris Brown....it's pretty bad. I mean, this guy acts like he just broke Rihanna's bicycle. I know he says that he has problems with violence towards women because his parents were a role model for him, but that's no excuse. If you know you have a problem, then get help. You are constantly making your own decisions and no one made him hit Rihanna! I mean we all have our problems because of our parents but when it comes down to it, no one makes us do the screwed up things we do. I also don't understand how Chris thinks going around pretending like it's not that big of a deal is helping him any. It is a big deal. You're a celebrity, and everyone is watching you. Normal people face serious jail time over this stuff. Domestic abuse is not pretty and no one is a fan. Who is Chris's publicists? I sometimes wonder if he has one. The best response would have been to deeply apologize and pretend like he means it and then give some community time and money to domestic abuse awareness.
Here's the article: http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-chris-brown-interview-that-will-give-you-enoug,32546/

Tell me what you think.

Hey Shirley! I hope everything is well. Please update the blog about your trip! With pictures!!

Holly

IT'S BEEN SO LONG

2009-08-09T08:10:00.000-07:00

I think I'm going to recommit. It's been too long since I've blogged and I want to do it more often. I'm out of school now, so more time available :)

Jake and I are having problems again and sometimes I become scared it just wont work out and break ups are horrible and lonely. Every so often he will say something that makes it sound like he gets it and that he's growing but words are different from actions.

I applied for part time at my job and was denied. So I can't go back to school this semester but will have to wait for the Spring semester. My lease is up in September so I'll be moving back home for 3 months which no one thinks I should do other than my mother. If only my mother understood. The good thing about this 3 month long stay is that I'll be able to save some money to get a new computer!

Shirley, I miss you! I only have aol chat on jake's computer. We tried downloading the other but we can't find a version for the apple. :(

I may be going to Africa this summer! It's been my dream for years now. And Shirley you are heading to Germany so soon?! What will you be doing there? Work? School?

Well, I shall go

thanks for reading!

Holly

HOW ARE YOU???

2009-05-23T09:12:00.000-07:00

So, my computer still doesn't work. :( I was talking to shirley the other day on MSN and then my computer froze. Sooo frustrating. I don't know what to do. I always expect things to take care of themselves and I never know when to get someone else involved.
I'm at work :( on a Saturday. I just got paid yesterday Shirley!!! That means snail mail for you!!
I went to my psychiatrist appt sometime after I blogged last. I'm not sure how I feel about it. She diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. At first I was relieved and glad I wouldn't have to wait and see what happens after I no longer take the medicine. But now, after talking with a friend, I'm not so happy. Of course she is down in the slumps so i know her outlook is only negative for now, but it made me question a lot of things....will my disorder be controlled by medicine or will i ruin friendships and other relationships.?

I also have a room mate problem. :( Me and my present room mate are splitting ways. I had other friends that needed a room mate but now that seems to be falling through. So now...my only option as of yet is my parents house....and that's not such a healthy place for me. No one wants me to go there-even my doctors. No offense to my parents but that home is not a home...it's a bad memory. Jake says I have a lot of time to try and find a room mate but again i'm scared i'll just ruin another relationship because my meds stop working or something. People who aren't bipolar don't really understand what it's like to fall into a depression that gets worse each time. Or what it's like to feel like you can't move out from your car. You don't want life to go on because you don't know how to handle anything.

I had a borderline moment last night. I haven't really had any because my medicine has been doing so well, but medicine doesn't work as well for being borderline. Borderline is corrected or contained by cognitive therapy. Hmmm....:( A lot of work. I'm ready to be done with all of this really. Done with overreacting to things and feeling along and not wanting to be alone. I want to be fun and rational, but I'm scared I wont get that back.
There are a lot of people who I wish I could go back and say I'm sorry, but I feel it wouldn't make a difference.

Well. GOTZ TO GO!
MISS YOU SHIRLEY!!!

-An Qi

School's over, now what?

2009-05-14T17:00:00.000-07:00

It’s been a long time since I’ve written here, but when I do write, look out, because I tend to write a lot when the spirit moves me! Consider me moved. haha.

So, HI everyone!

Life is pretty good right now, although I'm still on a job hunt (for a better job), then I can have more money to splash out/save. And I'm still thinking if I should take up the job offer that the school director talked to me about after the graduation ceremony.

Anyway, I just gotten back from a simple celebration with my friends. So school's over. We did it! I graduated!! I really wish that I could have blogged during the ceremony. And believe me, it lasted long enough that I could have written more than one entry.

The whole graduation process was kinda wild and crazy, as usual the ceremony itself dragged on way too long. Anyway, the graduation ceremony was pretty awesome. Listening to the speeches made me reflect and all the memories we made and lessons we have learned...

Yes, after 3 gruelling years of studying, I graduated yesterday. I couldn't believe that I'd have got to the end, but I have. The past 3 years have gone by so fast it's hard to believe that I will be entering the real world so soon. The past years in Ngee Ann, have probably been one of the best 3 years of my life. From being a freshman and being scared to talk to people in the hallways, to a senior and student leader, were three years that I won't forget.

Walking in the auditorium was a weird experience. It was like, " Oh man, I can't believe this is the last time I'll walk in here." The ceremony began with an honored speaker, our school director. She was really entertaining and I enjoyed her speech. Basically, she told us to follow our dreams, and that hit home. Because if you don't follow your dreams, then what was the point of school?

And then the walking began. I was so excited waiting in line. There were so many people there! Parents were waving their hands and jumping up and down. It was hilarious. I've never seen so many people so excited at one time.

And then... they called my name! I was super scared I was going to trip. But I reassured myself by saying, "Make sure you don't fall." And that helped a lot. But I walked fine. And I got my certificate. It was like all eyes were on me. Of course they weren't, but it felt like it. haha.

It felt so unreal, I don't even think it hit me yet. I don't feel like I've graduated. Afterwards, everyone gathered together and took several pictures, and my classmates and teachers who gave me hugs and lots of well wishes. It was great.

But alas, it's over, as the journey has come to the end. I will sorely miss Ngee Ann and all my friends and teachers, but I can say that I had the time of my life. If I could do it again, I would. I'd probably do it 10 times over. I loved every part of school, though sometimes the amount of homework and exams stress can be terrible.

The parting is going to be bittersweet - while I’m going to be sad to leave my friends and school life (which is way more cooler than normal life, if you didn’t know), I’m also really enthusiastic and curious about where my future is going to take me.

What now? A graduate in my position has two choices:

a) To work, or, b) To study further.

Now, this one is a difficult choice to make, and there’s no saying what’s best for me. I haven’t thought about it all that much, but I am definitely more inclined towards earning a business degree at a minimum.

Now, off to find a job and meet the real world! Wish me luck!! Anyway I got a nice case for my certificate. Haha.

Well I had a good day.. I graduated, it’s sunny and I’m happy.

I haven't talk to Holly for quite a while and I was just wondering what happened to her internet. I gave her a buzz and asked how she was doing and glad she is doing great. Hopefully her finals went well.

I MISS YOU TOO HOLLY!!

Take care and God bless.

-Shirley

NO INTERNET!!!

2009-05-09T09:13:00.000-07:00

Wow, life is slow without internet. I can't look anything up or even communicate with Shirley. And here I am blogging on my work computer during my break. :)
Finals were this week and I really hope I did well on my Psychology test. That's the only class I'm worried about. Kind of ironic since that's what I'm most interested....turns out I don't study even if it is interesting. awww...i'm so horrible hahaha. So I basically studied for the first time this year for finals....I should study more often so it wouldn't be so stressfull.

Hey Shirley! I miss you!

It's so odd how when I take off work, I dread it even more. I end up not going because I feel like I'll die...like having an anxiety attack. I really need a new job and to work only part time because I'm in school....but I have to wait until I can get loans to cover the bills. If only I studied in High School and cared.

I'm sooo sleepy. I took my medicine late last night and so it kept me from really waking up this morning. 450 mg's ...it'll knock you out. I hate taking it because I'm always with people when I have to take it and then I feel like a drugee or something. I'm not sure if I blogged about this before....there are these classes that teach people with bpd how to cope and take control over their mood swings. I have to wait a few weeks for the new class to start and once I have things under control they will take me off of my medicine. The horrible thing is that my family doctor thinks I'm bipolar and it's a possiblility to my phsychiatrist and councilor but they will all tell you we wont know until I'm off the medicine. GREAT If I am I look forward to the times of high energy and constant cleaning and being restless...taking lots of walks and just being giddy and happy and funny. But then I have the depression to look forward to....and it's gets worse everytime. So...I'm frustrated with the doctors but I guess I can't blame them...I just wish they were sure about something.

Okay!!! Time is up :(

-Holly

Not so Jobless

2009-04-16T08:16:00.000-07:00

My photo in case you forgot my face. :)

Shirley! I'm almost in the same boat. I have been actively searching for jobs and I feel the same way....who will look at my resume? What can I do to make sure it has been reviewed. I was lucky with one as a friend works in the hospital that I applied to. She gave me the name of someone in the department I was applying too. So I called and made sure they looked me over. The HR lady said she would send to the manager....and I haven't heard back since. :( A job I really really wanted.

So the doctor upped my medicine to 450 mg and that seems to be working. Better at least. With borderline medicine can only do so much. My mood swings are still there but I'm not depressed and when I start to go over the deep end on a mood swing, I don't go as far. I'm taking Seroquel, it's a major tranquilizer and makes me sleep very deeply....so I'm very well rested in the morning! Only thing is I have a hard time waking up in the morning. Hahahahah If I take it too late I will sleep through my alarm going off for ten minutes!!! So I have to be on time with the medicine which helps me to take it everyday..if it didn't matter what time I would keep on putting it off and eventually forget.

I have to say I have been really frustrated with the doctor because I want to be sure that I don't have something else going on other than BPD....I know i am borderline, but a lot of times people with bpd have other medical problems as well like bipolar and other stuff...When I try to bring up how I have felt in the past, they don't want to do that. I go frustrated and cried in the doctor's office because she acted like the past didn't matter. I told her it mattered to me. Being bpd makes me overreact to things so of course I overreacted to that situation.

School is a few weeks away from being over and I'm worried about my grades....Honestly I haven't really studied for anything.

Okay...off to work :(

-Holly

Major quarter life crisis

2009-04-15T05:18:00.000-07:00

I hate to end up trapped in a miserable job. I quited my day job before finding a permanent job. I had actually been working at Walton as a land banker where I market and advise clients on several investment opportunities and assisted them in the process. BUT, both Cold and Warm Calling didn't work out very well and with a 40k-in-3-weeks-target given to me, def gave me a lot of stress in getting potential clients. And yeah, I told my manager and I'm thankful he accepted my resignation. Still, it would be another experience...

So now...
I, during a recession, am looking for another job. I got a phone call today and right now, that feels like the highlight of my day right now. I also got a call about continuing my education. That was a long call and I wanted to roll my eyes several times (why I didn't, I don't know.. I mean, it was a phone call) The woman was trying to push me into starting online classes in a couple of weeks (uh, no).

Well, I've started the serious job hunt. I've been looking around a little here and there, sending in the odd resume with some effort, but not much follow up. Had an interview yesterday that went pretty well, but not about to put all my eggs in one basket yet..

Was wondering how many jobs will I apply to before I get an interview invitation? How many of my resumes will be stucked in the HR inbox, never to be seen or heard from again? And the most frightening question of all, how long will it take for me to get a job? Only time will tell.. Getting a job is like winning the lottery. Anyway I have 2 job interviews tmr! Hooray! And another one scheduled for friday at 1.15 p.m. .

My quest to break into the marketing industry seems to be much more difficult than I had hoped. So, I'm re-evaluating a little bit. Perhaps Engineering? Gah! Job hunting is a headache. I have also tweaked my resume today. Hopefully that helps a little.

As dangerous as it is to hope like this, I will be checking my email like crazy and my heart will skip a beat every time the phone rings. Will tomorrow be the day? Wish me luck against all the local talents. haha. Anyway I'll be working for the rest of my life so taking things a little slow now isn't a bad idea :D

Alright, so rant over.

And Holly! I hope you are fine and hopefully the med is working. How's school and work going? hey seriously I can’t wait to talk to you again! We've missed each other for like a week or so. So here's two awesome cute little GREENIES to make you smile :)

Yes, I bought these two active little tortoises today! Tortoises are cool cos' they get to chill out all day, eat lettuce, and walk really slowly everywhere and enjoy their life off. So lucky. Plus they get to live a long life. haha.

The pretty new Moleskine that Holly gave me is still wrapped up nicely untouched. I keep thinking about things I could do with it, but when it actually comes down to writing the first alphabet or pasting the first cut out picture, it's so hard because I'm afraid I might do something I don't like and regret it later. Weird huh. haha.

I'm feeling a bit more positive today.
Here I sit with no intention of doing anything. This is just a bunch of random words and pictures that I can say, brighten my day.

-Shirley

IT'S BEEN SO LONG!!!

2009-03-24T11:05:00.000-07:00

So i haven't blogged in months I think...I can't remember. So much has been going on. I have been going through a really tuff time with my depression. I started having horrible spells of freaking out when I began feeling depressed. At one point I had images of hanging myself. I am not suicidal and I don't want to kill myself but I just had these images in my head. I freaked out and became even more scared because I felt like I had not control. Bummer. So my depression medicine had obviously stopped working. I'm now on a mood stabilizer and it seems to be helping but I still over react to a lot of things. My councilor is kinda screening me for Borderline Personality Disorder . She had me read a book on it and I could really relate. I have an appt today so we shall see what she says.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is apparently responsible for almost 25% of hospitalizations concerning suicide. SCARY. It's between that and Bipolar but I'm starting to think it's BPD. Everyttime I freak out it's for a reason and people with bipolar actually don't always react to something...it just starts happening.
Because I started freaking out a lot, I couldn't work. The doctors took me off work for a month but I had to return early or I wouldn't get paid. So they released me to work but only for 4 hours per day. I'm up to 6 hours now but I almost can't stand it....I'm dreading the 8 hours.
Oh I didn't mention this before but I'm seeing a councilor a psychiatrist and then of course my family doctor so he knows what is going on. It's all confusing.
So I saw Twilight this past Friday and LOVED it. Well I mean certain parts were cheesy and I don't like that kind of stuff but ....that usually means they stayed really close to the book which is good. I haven't read the book so I wouldn't know...but I plan too. I think I liked the movie so much because of how Edward treated Bella. I mean....I'm not sure if relationships could ever be like that and in some areas I wouldn't want it to. I'm a Christian so I wouldn't want the guy to believe I am what he lives for....that's a lot of pressure. BUT Edward is a nice guy who cares and takes care of Bella in even the simplest ways which is what girls are always looking for. I'm sure not every girl looks for that and some aren't as romantic as others. But yeah...I guess that's why I like it.
I'm on Spring Break right now! BUT I still have work. Story of my life. I took off a couple of days though. :)

Well I guess I'll be blogging later...hopefully it wont take as long this time.
How are you Shirley!! I miss you!

-Holly

Swim!

2009-03-17T05:40:00.000-07:00

Today was fun.. Well sort of.. it was boring for a while and the pool was warmer today it was realy cool! So i went swimming with a friend today. I have been wanting to hit the pool ever since the start of work, trying to get rid of the aches and pains accumulated from work. Its been 5 months since i last get into the water. I thought I would end up getting out of the pool early. But I swam 40 laps today! And I did it with all smiles! haha that was like, Wow.

Swimming let my mind wanders, my head pounds, and my body works. Its weightless and cool. Nothing compares to a lap in the pool. And so I swam a couple of my laps on my back, just working on my kicking, so that I could keep my face out of the water to breath constantly. We went to the slides and the lazy pool too. Then, We picked up dinner on the way home from the pool and then bought a new swim cap.

Next.

My part time job at the baby fair is a soul-sucking, spirit-crushing boredom festival. I have to be chained to the baby products, eight hours a day. It’s like a huge chunk of my life gone, and if my boss suddenly turns into a monster (among other possible worst case scenarios), it can really cast an ugly pallor on everything else. Okay i shall not complain too much. 11 more days to the end of my job. :D

Now...

They all want me to get a good job like from locally (after graduation). But I could never live an average life like that; it will kill me. I'm not made to sit in a shop or an office all day. My mind is always on my stories, thinking about new ones, dreaming about what’s happening next. The life attracts me so much, I just cant seem to tell my family, I think i'm scared of disappointing them.

I just feel like moving to somewhere else (like the states), straight out of school to learn about the real world and build a business. Or maybe I should find a full time job and save up some money first.

This is exactly the stage I’m in right now; Seriously.
I have no idea where my life is going.

While I’m figuring things out, I'm going to use some of this “off time” to plan what I’ve been always want to do... I also plan on volunteering at a local organization and getting involved in the community; I need to build my soul back up, and volunteering is a good way to do it. I feel like taking some random classes and play guitar too.

But above everything else, i just wish i could pack a bag and hit the road until I make up my mind.

I am DECOMPOSING soon. (if i carry on not deciding what to do with my life.)

I realize how pathetic I sound. :( And I'm extremely nervous of getting back my results this friday. Pls pray for me... and GOOD LUCK TO ME!!!

“Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?” — Friedrich Nietzsche

how are you holly? did the medicine work? what are you up to? Let me know whats going on in your life!

Take care everyone!
and HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!

-Shirley

Exams boredom

2009-02-23T08:53:00.000-08:00

hey holly! I found this picture in my webcam's folder! hahaha. I wondered how it ended up there!! Guess I must have accidentally snapped it while we were chatting. Anyway, how are youuuuuuu? What have you been up to?

So, I have 2 more papers to go! one tomorrow and the other on friday. wish me luck!

I just talked to Keith awhile ago. He is coming to singapore with his canadian friend this sunday. Well, Keith is actually from Oklahoma U.S., and he's on a scholarship study for a year in a university in Beppu, Japan. Both of them have been on an Asia backpack trip ever since the start of feb and had travelled through Beijing, Shanghai, HongKong Macau and now in Bangkok. Then they would be here in Singapore for a week before heading to malaysia for a few days then flying back to Japan. Alright, so they are planning to stay here for a week or so and looks like they haven't have any itinerary yet and think it would be nice to bring them around here. Like some good food, beautiful and interesting sight seeings and good shopping deals. And we would sure take many pictures! So now I have something to look forward to after the boring exams! Oh yeah I have also wrote a long list of post-exams-activities! haha.

Hope everyone is fine! Take care!
Till then.

-Shirley

happy v day!

2009-02-14T09:12:00.000-08:00

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

Happy valentine's day. ;)

I received holly's package today! It was a big one! and I love everything in it! Thank you!! Cant wait to talk to you again! Hope you have a great weekend!

-Shirley

MEZZY

2009-02-11T19:53:00.000-08:00

She's so beautiful-but too scandalous for me. :)

I'm sooo sorry I haven't blogged in forever. I've been busy I guess. I find myself running away from everything. From work, from responsibility, from life ...from all my problems. My doctor has taken me off work for a week. Lucky right? I just wish I knew how to get rid of feeling like I'm stuck. I've repressed things from the past and now they haunt me....I don't know how to hide from them-I can't anymore. I also can't face them. I wish I could face them...but I'm surrounded with life. Go to school then eight hours of work and then two and a half hours of free time which should probably be used for studying. And it's not that I'm tired....I'm fine with that. I'm just soo emotional and I don't want to do anything. I wish I had time and money to take a break and take care of the emotions I have bottled up.

Enough of being emo. Hahaha. Let me tell you a story!
So I was in Starbucks, writing in my journal. I was approached by this guy who started to ask me what I was writing about and if I wanted to be a writer. I explained maybe one day I would like to publish something (as many people do) but otherwise it is not my goal to be a writer. He began to ask me other questions about myself. He then wanted to know if I would like to go to dinner. I said that I had somwhere to go but he asked if I wanted to afterwards. I explained that I had a boyfriend. He rolled his eyes and said that my boyfriend was probably a jerk and I should be with him and leave my boyfriend. (WHAT??!!) He then sits down with me and continues to converse with me...I'm not good at being mean to people. He asked if he could sing for me and said we would need to go outside. He asked if I would kiss him if he sang well for me. I advised I really could not do that. Eventually I said I had to go and that I was really running late. He said "aww, I scared you off" hahahaha. I said he didn't, but come on! How did he not??

hahahahaha
i was pretty creeped out for a bit.
I hope everyone is doing well!

I miss you Shirley!!

-Holly

little angel

2009-02-07T12:00:00.000-08:00

This little irish boy always look for me at work. He would run to me and say dia duit and give a gentle smile. aww. so cute.

hello - Dia duit (pronounced dia gwit)

So Holly said she cut her hair yesterday. I can't wait to see!
Now both Jake and Jesse have chinese names! cool.
Pray and wish me luck for steel design test on monday! Eww.

Shirley

Random thoughts on a random night

2009-01-31T15:33:00.000-08:00

Just now was massive. It was so crazy and yet awesome. Yeah but seriously.. we were so far yet so near, it was insane. I seriously hate the distance. We ended up staying at home doing facial masks.

I love facial masks, I don’t care if they are hydrating, whitening or anything , full of brainless things I could tell you if you got me really high cos I really love masks. Especially because they are so relaxing and I love the after effect.

Its even better to mask it up with your bestie. :)

So, my brain is FULL of thoughts, like really random things.

I need to get a job soon. a permanent one.

I feel like eating prata, soaked in curry.

Exams are coming. It just gave me a MASSIVE headache. I detest/cannot stand exams. Can’t wait for the next one month to pass, so I’ll be free. 26 more days.

My afternoon naps are making me an owl. I just love naps dont ask me why.

I really want to watch more movies. really.

I don’t think I’ve told alot of people this, but past midnight to dawn is my favorite time of the day. The whole world is asleep (except me of course) its chilly outside and its so peaceful. Its like everyone is actually shutting up and that’s what makes the silence so special. It all ends at 5+am though, that’s the time my grandmother wakes up.

If you know me long enough, I have a peculiar inability to count time backwards. I knew that my quiz starts at 1 p.m., yet I left my house at 12.20 p.m. thinking that I was perfectly on time. The journey to school takes about an hour, and for examinations, I usually make sure I leave the house 1.5 hours before the paper starts. But this time, I only realised how late I was when I arrived at the train station at 12.50 p.m., and was so stressed out while trying to hail a cab. I swear all my white hair grew out, fell out, and grew back out again during those moments before I finally arrived at the exam hall.

This incident also reminded me about another time I was like an hour late for an exam last semester, and strolled in like I was just on time. Stanley and Xinyi were like, "Hey I thought you weren't coming," then "What the hell !" when I told them I thought I was on time. HAHA.

I am always late. always. or like most of the time.

Life hasn’t been as carefree as i’ve wanted it to be. And there’s a nagging feeling that its gonna stay like this for a while until i’m certain of my future after i grad. Or maybe, its going to stay like that until i grow old. There’s a deep need to connect, but there’s no one close enough. the friends i hang out with are a bunch of fun loving people and they bring lots of joy and laughter into my life, but still it feels like something is missing. Can you hear me? why can’t i get close enough? I’m tired and sleep wouldn’t fix it.

And my wanderlust has not been satisfied. I really just want to pack up and travel around the world with my camera, books and money. I'd travel by train and maybe look up some friends. Think i might have to do it one day. :)

Lesson with holly later;
and a site visit report to go.

-Shirley

IT'S BEEN SO LONG

2009-01-29T11:05:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've blogged. At least that's what it feels like. I've just been so tired with school and work and then the drama that comes with life.

I have some hard decisions to make. I'm faced with the decision to give the car back to my parents and buy a new one or to just keep the car and try to find the money to pay for it and for everything else too while going to school. It's hard this way but if I give the car back my parents will be very upset. Of course I am told that it was they made me buy a new car instead of used so they should have the burden and not me. But it's so hard to make a choice to separate yourself from your parents and make them angry. Honestly I want to do it because I'm so tired of how my mother constantly tries to control everything. And then she gets upset with me when I want to do things for myself and make my own decisions.

I also have to decide about school. Where will I go? I thought I would go to UAB but my boyfriend's parents advised me a bible college would be good for what I want to go into. This is very true and I would enjoy going to a bible college more. I guess I am always caught up in what if I have to get a secular job and my degree from a bible college will not count? I guess it would count for something...at least I completed something. But I shouldn't worry about that. I can only focus on if God wants me to go to a bible college or to university. Right now I am working on my application for Southeastern Bible College. Along with my decision about school, I have to decide where to live. Living in an apartment is more expensive than a dorm but it also has its benefits I guess. I honestly would like to live in a dorm but I have furniture that would not fit....and I wouldn't count on my parents helping me store any of it.

-Holly

OMG

2009-01-28T05:37:00.000-08:00

Well after over a week of gathering, sorting, designing and producing, my 'company' website is finally up. (Part of my steel design assignment) I am supposed to get it done ages ago but so much had been happening lately that I simply didn’t have time. But I'm so glad I've finished it. yay!

And like finally, I have completed my final year project report!!! It took a great deal of hard work and a whole lot of late nights and weekends to get it done but I am pleased with how it turned out. :)

but Now...

TWO more Indoor Air Quality reports

and a WET site visit report

due tmr.

And I haven't start on it. I'm finished.

I NEED 48 hours a day!!
WILL SOMEONE HELP ME!?!

and holly did you have a good time at work? I'm so bored with homework! I wish we can talk now!

I will write soon!

-Shirley

Cheer up bestie!

2009-01-24T08:09:00.000-08:00

Maybe this week has really been a hard and awful one for her. An uncomfortable feeling and an empty feeling. The best cure for a broken heart is moving on and you would find you happier than ever before..

This is just a hiccup in life which in this life journey. I recall my friend's saying "God will make the guy to see that she is the one true love for him."

I understand that it will be hard to get over this episode as she has attached to him mentally and emotionally. I hope she can unwire and rewire to continue with life positively. :) Time heals all wounds and when he's ready to talk to you then he'll come around, in the mean time, just keep living your life and before you know it. :)

I think this quote is nicely written...
"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got." So, do something different. do something now.

There are times where you feel so tired, so down, so bored; Like when everyone and everything is going against your direction...And you don't have the the energy to do anything, but SLEEP. So why not have more good rest? Sleep is really good. Then you're not aware of how bad you feel.

Dont be so hard on yourself alright. Everything will work out in time just do what you think is best and it will all be fine. Take care Holly!

I hope she feels better now and I am sure Jesus Christ will fill her heart with his Joy, Love, and Peace. Cant wait to talk to you again! And dont skip your meds again. :)
Cheers.

I will write more soon.

2 days to Chinese New Year = Red packets are piling!
I'm so glad you called today. :)

-Shirley

2009-01-23T20:17:00.000-08:00

This week was horrible. I don't want to sound depressing. But for real, worst week of the year and it's only the end of January.

Wednesday, January 21st

I get into a huge fight with my mom and walk out on her at the restaurant.

Jake and I break up.

My mom is so taken up with what she wants that she forgets or doesn't want to see, that I am her daughter and it can't always be about her.

Jake lied to me. Again. The last time he did this i said I would have to break up with him. And here he is lying about the same exact thing. And I love him but right now I have him too. For how he has ruined it. I mean-I had a hard time trusting him to begin with. I love him sooo much but I hate him for that. He's making this impossible. It's so hard for me to explain. Like I hate that I love him. It hurst because I can't show it to him now. That would be like saying everything is okay and it's not. And I'm the one who has to be the adult in the relationship. I'm tired of being the adult in all the relationships (hence me and my mother's). I'm so angry with him honestly but I'm so conflicted because I love him so much. I hate it. And now I have two weeks to go of not seeing him to hang out.

So work ended up being horrible today. I cried. I couldn't take anything. I don't think I can still. I'm crying randomly when I think about all of it and the pressure of work and school when I just want to go take a break from the life I live now. I honestly need someone to hold me and comfort me. I want it to be him because he's the one who hurt me. I want him to reassure me that everything will be right again. Even better really. But he's not here. I told him not to be. For two weeks.

I'm really careful with who I cry to. I don't think everyone can understand or aren't very good at comforting and listening and being reassuring. I can't say I know too many people who are. And I'm not sure who to call. There are a few that come to mind but I just feel silly about the whole mess. I feel like I'm getting upset over nothing. To me though, it's something. I don't know.....

Remember when my councilor told me about the inner child, inner adult, and inner parent? I'm having conflict with those right now. The adult is saying that I need to be rational, the parents getting on to me for being upset, and then the child pushing out and crying randomly. No matter how far you try to push the child, it has to come out. And secretly you want it to. You want to be a child again. You want to be comforted and reassured. You want someone to instill hope in you again.

Awesome-room mate and her boyfriend are home. Good think I'm depressed.

-HOLLY

My half chinese bestie

2009-01-21T13:27:00.000-08:00

"Half chinese holly wanted a chinese name."

I think this is nice and it suits her personalities.

安琪 (pronounce as Ant Chee)

An: Peace & loving; Determined

Qi: Passionate; Successful

So now she sounded very english yet chinese. yay.
That's perfectly fine 'cos she's a half chinese anyway. hee.

I'm glad she likes it! :)

-Shirley

Latest Paris Hilton advertisement on holly's album

2009-01-20T11:08:00.000-08:00

I didn't know until the album released...

What's going on here?
NOW TELL ME holly. haha.

-Shirley

Art Appreciation

2009-01-20T08:10:00.000-08:00

Shirley says:

how was class today?

Holly says:

it was good actually.

Holly says:

there was this guy

Holly says:

and like our art teacher loves vocabulary

Holly says:

so he gives us words for bonus points on the test

Shirley says:

hahaha then

Holly says:

and he was giving us some today to try and remember

Holly says:

well the guy in class likes knows all of them

Shirley says:

wow

Holly says:

and these aren't easy words.

Holly says:

hahahaha so the teacher walks over to give him the dictionary so he can look up the word to confirm he is right

Shirley says:

HAHAHAHAH so evil

Holly says:

well, earlier in class the teacher was haviing us draw some stuff to go along with what he was teaching. this is art appreciation...so nothing for a grade.

Shirley says:

why did your art teacher teach vocabs in class?

Holly says:

well, we were supposed to draw a tree to go along with lines and then about shading. well this guy that's so good at vocab drew like the best tree

Shirley says:

was it a warm up before he start the lesson or smth

Shirley says:

Holly says:

no he likes vocab and thinks it's important

Shirley says:

heheh good one. the teacher

Holly says:

so when the teacher comes over to hand him the dictionary,

Holly says:

he sees the tree the guy drew

Holly says:

and it blew his mind

Holly says:

because he teaches an advanced drawing class

Shirley says:

hahahah how did he draw?

Holly says:

he drew it in pen

Holly says:

but the art teacher was serious

Holly says:

and said it was one of the best drawings he has ever sen

Holly says:

seen

Shirley says:

wow really

Holly says:

yeah like

Shirley says:

you should have take a pic and show me ;P

Holly says:

the teacher never really got back on track after that

Holly says:

because it blew him away

Shirley says:

hahah!

Holly says:

and i think he was wondering if this guy just wasn't planning to do anything with art. somebody asked the guy what his major is

Holly says:

and the guy said he was probably going into graphic design or art

Shirley says:

haha i was wondering why is he in art class then

Holly says:

and the teachers raised his hands and the air and like wahooed or something

Shirley says:

AHAHAHA!

Holly says:

well, i mean art appreciation is just like an overview of art....so most people in there can't draw...they are taking it for the art credit they need

Holly says:

so yeah

Holly says:

class was interesting.

-Holly

blow away the cloudy days

2009-01-20T07:34:00.000-08:00

Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.

Ferris Bueller was right. We all need to take time to stop and look around us.

Now, I'm just taking a break to watch Obama live at his inaugration. So, Obama has sworn in as the new 44th president of United States. How do you think the inauguration of Barack Obama will bring about change in America?

I don't know how it will bring change to America, but it has already brought greater hope to America, and that's a great start. But let’s face the serious things that expect him: Bush leaves him a mess behind- let Obama restore it. I’m positive he will do a good job, especially because he knows everyone expects a lot from him now! I hope Obama could do things that presidents before him could not do when they had the power. He has managed a great thing by being the first black President. Good luck Obama! :)

I just wanted to share these.. Not a huge amount of fun, but it's interesting! I took them yesterday during our experiment.

CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW "CLEAN" THE QUALITY OF THE INDOOR AIR? They breed funky bacteria and beautiful fungus.

I found myself feeling hopeful and disappointed at the same time. Hopeful for my steel design test cos i managed to complete all the questions and hope to have better grades. Hopeful that there are more young people out there who have the confidence to do what they feel is right, value caring for others and doing more good things. Disappointed in the people who were upset, angry or about sudden loss and setbacks. Alright enough said, I am so gonna look on the positive side!!

Again, I took a nap this afternoon. Gosh, I am going to be a BIG EYES owl tonight. :( But naps are sooo nice. And so are dreams. :)

HOPE EVERYONE IS FINE!
don't work too hard.

-Shirley

Lately I've been thinking...

2009-01-15T10:07:00.000-08:00

Read this slowly:

"LIFEISNOWHERE"
what did u read?

Life is No where or Life is Now Here ?

Just a beautiful line to say-
Life depends on the way we look it..

Yes, I am in the blog writing mood today.
Though, the past several months, I seem to have lived a boring school lifestyle: weeks packed full of research papers, one lengthy presentation after the next, those beloved assignments that never end until the semester is almost over. And, oh yeah… work at kiddypalace! Many hours of weekend spend there. Must I go on?

I recall sitting in the auditorium with a lecturer sometime back. We talked about my hobbies, and I would talk about things I wanted to develop into my passion in life. I am sooo hoping to pursue an international career, an overseas job which combine both work and travel. This lifestyle involving exciting travel, interesting people, and stimulating cultures... and always get into my blood...

Well, If nothing else, come late Feb I will finish my semester and— finally — ALL the homework will be done. Of course, then, instead of what else, I might be plagued by... Searching for a travel-work kind of job, OR to continue my studies. I am soo in love with the first option though. haha. Oh and I have been catching up lots of old and new movies lately.. like Benjamin Button and Ember yesterday.

I’ve been known for years that I like to maintain a certain level of busyness. I am taking a semester off of work to start preparing and studying for my exams in mid feb. I would have to say this semester is a little rough, and I’m not doing as good as I thought I would be and I’m not really sure why that is. I am so bad with numbers and I guess I need alot more practice on Steel design subject, which is 100% calculation based. SADDED. But I am not giving it up.

Holly and I were talking about kids issues today.

I feel that being too young is someone who cannot take care of anybody but themselves. I think age is not the issue it is the state of mind. I just feel there isn't an ideal age to have children but if I have them and it's my responsibility to make sure they grow up happy and healthy. :) Well holly, you have my support!

Have a wonderful day everyone! dont work too hard! :)
Cheers.

-Shirley

NOT SO LONG

2009-01-14T20:11:00.000-08:00

So, did everyone have a lovely day? I have to say mine was long and tiring. They will be for the rest of the semester. What will I do with myself? ugh

So I had a dream that I filled out this assessment test thing. It was supposed to tell you what field would suit you. Mine came back as medical. So all week I have been questioning if i should think about Medical School. Hahahaha. I mean I have before. I have an awesome doctor and he said that I could do something like that. I mean he relates to me really well and he such a great that doctor that he makes me want to be one. But a doctor over a councilor? Everyone I have asked has said councilor over doctor. So maybe that's my answer....and it probably is but I like to leave my options open. I will still major in psychology but take a few classes that are required for med school. We shall see how well I do in those....like biologies and chemistries. Biology I get...Chemistry no so much. Good thing pharmacist wasn't my goal.

I got Shirley's packages yesterday! And I have to say they made my weekend. Shirley is awesome! Hey Shirley! I put that Speeding sign on my bathroom mirror. I decided to go for the lifestyle thing. :) haha And I'm so excited about putting yours together! I hope you like it all!

It was so nice not to work this weekend. It felt like a little peace of heaven on earth. So nice to rest and lay in bed. :) Shirley thinks I'm in bed too much and sleep all the time. I like the warmth and it's a comfort zone I guess. hahahaha.

So the new President is being inaugurated this week. Our first African American decent president. Obama. I'm excited to see what changes he will make but of course I am nervous. It's scary to vote and not really know the outcome of that person being in office. If we did we wouldn't have made so many mistakes as a country. I mean I feel weird voting for someone I don't know personally....and then even if I did, would I really want to give any single person that responsibility? To take care and look after a country? I mean it's hard and stressful and not everyone makes the best decisions under stress. Shirley I was trying to find you an Obama sticker today.. hahahaha I mean this is history.

Well I better go to sleep. :) I get to sleep in because of no school tmr but i'm so tired now I can't pay attention to what I'm doing.

CAN YOU HEAR ME SHIRLEY?! hahahahaha try not to make eye contact with your teachers so much..hahahahaha!

Good night!!!

-HOllY

I'M LATE!

2009-01-12T19:37:00.000-08:00

So today was my first day for the other two of my classes.

I have two alarms right? One is on my phone and another on my alarm clock beside my bed. I set them fifteen-thirty minutes apart. AND I still wake up late. Class is at 8:00 and I wake up at 7:20. For guys this is no problem but for a girl who has to take a shower as well (I didn't shower the day before either) it's a big deal. Somehow I took a shower and put on all my make up and dried my hair and all....and I was only like five or ten minutes late. Close one. English class. The teacher is nice.

My next class was Psychology. Since this is my major it's important to me how well I do in here. It's actually going to be harder than I thought just because of all the terms that seem to mean the same thing. The teacher seems to be thorough which usually mean that they are hard. :( I was the only one in the class majoring in the subject. blah blah blah blah And yes I understand that I will have to go on to graduate school to do anything with my degree.

Because of school and having to work so late, I can't go to my bible study. They are my community group and like my life group. So it's like horrible. I mean these are the people that are open to me and that I've worked hard to be open with. We share burdens and we are a family....and now I'm separated from them. Of course I will see them but not every Monday night like I'm supposed to. Soooo sad :(

My knee hurts. Why? Why? ugh Getting old in my youth. What is wrong with me.

Well, I know that this is short...and I have to say it's shorter than I planned, but I must go to bed! I don't want to be late tomorrow too!

-Holly

random tibits

2009-01-12T07:07:00.000-08:00

Please, please bring Feb 27 closer because I've already bookmarked all the new movies I want to watch, and listed the books I want to read. All I need is one free day to spend all alone on my couch.....

STOP ANIMAL ABUSE!
So, ACRES (Animal Concerns Research and Education Society) came to our school today. :)

My friends and I used to volunteer in their roadshows to raise awareness on the illegal wildlife trade in Singapore and other animal protection issues. The picture above was taken at the roadshow today...

After class today, we went to borrow boots from the mechanical lab.. The boots are for our planned site visit to the water reclamation plant in Bedok this friday!

In simple terms, a water reclamation plant helps to convert undrinkable water into drinking water. So I've got ready the right size of my boots and I know we would have alot of things to do during the visit. busy busy. Anyway this would be my 5th visit there! aww.

School life is so full of activities that I just gave up keeping track of time. So days mysteriously pass by, and I'm already behind a week's lecture. I need to get into my high school enthusiasm mode right away! and tomorrow is a self-appointed holiday because its project day! HAHA.

Did anything exciting happen at school today holly? Someone was late for class! hahaha. Dont worry my cam is still in perfect condition because I just tried it! Trust me, its as good as a new one! I used it less than 10 times cos I already have a built-in webcam on my notebook.

If only I could fast forward my life with a turn of a wheel too. Steven will be here in May, my bday will be so soon, brother would have completed his sec school. The worst part would be returning back to start school right away. I shall apologize in advance for the whining and complains to come when the semester begins. HAHA.

My daily fix: Coffee.

I don’t know how people live without coffee, I really don’t. A morning without coffee is like sleep.

And the absolute best feeling in the world is to curl up on the couch under the quilt and fall asleep with a cup of Hazelnut Hot Chocolate by Starbucks. Seriously. Thats holly and my ALL-TIME-FAV beverage.

Before i end today's entry, here's something to share...

I think Coldplay songs only make u cry, that's their sole aim. Snow patrol songs are so emo, like, before they just about to make u sob, they hold back, whereas Coldplay just charges right over the edge and sticks a knife in your heart! LOL.

An EMO verse from The Scientist by Coldplay
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard.

The video was really awesome holly!! Thank you so much for sending!

Have a wonderful week everyone!

-Shirley

A little poem to enjoy :)

2009-01-11T18:42:00.000-08:00

It's actually not morning. :) But it is in Singapore!

I told Shirley that I would blog something.....I had nothing to blog about since I said so much yesterday. So I will leave you with a very short poem by John Donne. I have a book of love poems by him and found this to be sweet. I hope you enjoy! :)

Song

Stay, oh sweet, and do not rise,

The light that shines comes from thine eyes,

The day breaks not, it is my heart,

Because that you and I must part.

Stay, or else my joy will die,

And perish in their infancie.

Goodnight!

-Holly

Second Chances and New Beginnings

2009-01-10T19:23:00.000-08:00

Anyone know who this was painted by? I'll admit, I have seen it before but totally forgot. I was searching for a picture of sunflowers because my friend couldn't send me the pics we had taken of a sunflower field we had been too. It was a small, small field but very beautiful. I love fields like that where it engulfs you and the field becomes your playground. :) I love it. Of course I was brought up, 5th-8th, on a farm. I miss having all of that land to explore and be away from the busyness of people. I miss it a lot.

This painting was done by Vincent Van Gogh.

So my first day of school was very interesting (to me). My first class was Art Appreciation. I was expecting another teacher, a girl, but instead found a man sitting in the teachers chair. I mean I had signed up for this class before and ended up dropping it. It was in the same room but another teacher. I wander what happend. hmm... Anyway. The proffessor was funny. He is very sarcastic and has a bit of dry sense of humore here and there. I tend to have a dry sense of humor myself so this was very entertaining. :) He made fun of a few kids like their shoes or the polar bear on a kids had (which was actually an elephant). He didn't mean anything by it, I know, since he only wanted everyone to see the humor in it. Or maybe he just wanted to be funny. Whatever it was, it was entertaining at least. Hahahahahahaha! oh! He taught the class about where the work lesbians came from and also where the word pornography came from. Greek of course, but I did not know that lesbos was an island and it's inhabitants were known as lesbians. I also did not know that Porne with an accent over the e means prostitute and then of course praph means photo....which is how the work pornography came about. I find it so funny and wierd that our ART teacher would teach us these specific words on the first day. He seems to have a facination with words and their origins. He also told us of the city names in Alabama that are names of minerals. haha

Something else. We have two Vietnamese students in our art class. He asked one to say something in her language but she declined. The other, who seemed to be more comfortable with English obliged. hahahaha! The teacher asked him to call him names in Vietnamese. He came out with this whole senario where the teacher owes him money over a pool game. He tells him to say, "Give me my money, you are a fat pig" hahaha and he said it. This teacher is strange but very funny. Hopefully I will feel the same about him all year.

My next class was Precalculus. I was glad to see a friend of mine who had math at the same time as me, though not the same class. Me and math don't get along but I like the struggle sometimes. Though this times we are already starting off on a bad note. This class starts with the things I struggled with from the last few years of math....factoring. I don't think I would have struggled with it if it wasn't for the fact that I moved schools and the school I moved to had already covered it. Their lesson plan was different from the school I came from. The blew. blah. Ever since I haven't really gotten it and everyone else seems to have caught on nicely. Enough about factoring. My teacher was interesting in there as well. He was entertaining in the way he was very energetic. This may not help how slow I am with math. He would say, "okay, okay, here we go", all energetic like and then begin some math problem.

So, about the sunflowers. Me and a friend of mine went through some hard times. She was upset one night and I didn't know what to say. I didn't have anything to say and I was too focused on just listening. So I wasn't much help in her delima. She texted me few days ago, which was a week or two after, and said she was a bad friend and she was sorry. I said I was as well and then we hung out later that week.. Funny how things work out. Earlier on this year, around halloween, we went to a pumpkin patch which also had a very small sunflower field. We went over into the field and took pictures and explore. (I would love to go back.) Well, my friend wanted cake and so took this reunion as an opportunity to buy some. So she picked out a cake from Edgars that had sunflowers on it and had them put "to second chances" on it. Hahaha, I have to say that I didn't know what to think. I didn't know I had skrewed up that bad or that she did. I'm going to with she just wanted a reason to have cake. :) Edgars cake is very good. AND she had gotten chocolate cake.. Yum Yum. Thank you friend!

So I had went to Counciling on Wednesday. Did I blog about that last time? No I guess I didn't since I had to go to bed early for school. Well, I had to buy a teddy bear for myself. I don't know what to do with a teddy bear. I forgot to ask her. She said that I need to connect with my inner child. She showed me, by drawing it, that because I wont let myself feel pain it is also hard for me to feel joy. Then she showed me that people have three parts to them. The parent, the adult, and the child. In that order. Now the child always wants things when they want them and doesn't think anything through. The parent is always trying to get on to the child and so there is conflict. Which is were the adult comes in aparently. The adult reasons them and mediates. I am more adult than child or parent and I am more parent than I am child. Does that make sense? So I don't allow myself to have the joy like a child does....which is the reason for the teddy bear I guess? I forgot what she told me to use it for. Maybe I could sleep with it? hahahaha!

It's Saturday night. I had to work today. :( boooo. My boyfriend and a friend are watching a video game. My boyfriend had me come over to play too....it's really cute and fun but I got bored with it I guess. Ha, my boyfriend's mother also played for a bit. She gets into video games....I wish I could. I wonder why I don't care so much or find them boring. They have a lot of imagination but I guess I prefer to read because I am doing all of the imagining. Hmmm.....Well now it's me and the computer while they play.

Shirley? You had a bad day? I'm sorry....I know what it's like to feel like people put it off on you to do all the work. I don't know exactly what the situation was. A lot of the time I end up being okay with it because I like to be able to control how it's being done since I tend to be a perfectionist. ha. But I hope today was better for you. There is always tomorrow. A

And thanks for being there. :) To be honest I'm the type of person to open up unless I somehow got to where I had no choice. I hide my feelings and when I talk about what is going on or how I am hurting I detatch emotion from it and people think that I'm not hurting as bad. Other people have seen me do this. I will keep in mind that you are there and I'm glad that you are. :) Thanks. I want to be there for you too if anything arises.

Well, I will not let the next blog be so far away as this one was. (if that makes sense)

Until then!

-Holly

Exhausted

2009-01-10T08:25:00.000-08:00

Feel like I should blog, but darn it - I am just tired.

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

From my past experiences, I have had my share of encounters with freeloaders. In my case, the freeloader is one who does not contribute for project works and is never around when he/she is most needed and never gets her work done appropriately.

Its time for me to stop giving it to them regardless of rank, status or anything cos it is more of a morality issue. And I am really very tired of doing all these unequal share of work.

Ok I'm gonna keep my rantings short. No matter how bad the day - and yes, some days it's really hard - I will write something good! A personal exercise in positive thinking.

I found the answers in my room.

Roof says: Aim high
Fan says: Be cool
Clock says: Every min is precious
Mirror says: Reflect before you act
Window says: See the world
Calender says: Be up to date
Door says: Push hard to achieve goals.

Thought for the Day: Compromise
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes, she got the biggest piece.

I am feeling really tired today. I don't know why. I just went over to my friends' house for our group project today. Nothing much interesting going on. Boring weekend to finish up all my the crazy bits of projects. I miss talking to Steven. Feeling like I want a change in my life. More adventure, more fun. I need to get some fresh air. 48 days more! I'll write again. :)

Don't be too serious in life, be sincere.

hope you are doing great!

Shirley

random thoughts

2009-01-08T06:12:00.000-08:00

I can't help being
RANDOM.

and sometimes I tell random side stories as I try to explain something... Then I forget what I was going to say in the first place.

But one thing for sure, I love random people! They make me laugh so much, in a good way of cos! :)

Here is a picture to represent today's topic. Lately I have been eating alot of blueberries and I don't know why. They are so fresh and juicy, though most of them are quite sour.

I have lots of weird dreams lately too. I told holly the nightmare I had last night which I lost all my teeth and I don't feel any pain at all. Last few days I dreamt of my friend had her hair all burnt by a PRANK fire. Another weird one was me loitering around a total new island, but the people living there were my friends. hmm..

I think counseling is a good way to let out feelings. Suppose you will say to a half filled glass that is half empty, the other person whose counseling you will explain why it is half full. The point is, how we view things and counselors know very well where to hit and when.... I will definitely be supportive if my friends were to seek help from counselors.

I mean if you think about it, you are the one making the decision to go to the counselor. That's already a positive step in the right direction. ;)

As lame as it sounds, re-program your brain with positive thinking and plant more happy hormones are actually the best ways to do that. Well, anytime if you need someone to talk to about your problems, holly, you know who to look for. ;) Anyway, I hope your first day of school went well though! Did you get up early to prepare?

I think you may want to bring some music along for your next nail salon visit in the mouth. :) This way, it would make your torturing time more comfortable or you could try taking a pair of headphones with you to listen music. Music heals the soul! :D

I am not sure why I have a huge urge to live overseas next time. I don't know where! ButI really want to and that is one of my goals in life. Any suggestions on where to live? English speaking country would be most preferred.

I was wondering what people's experiences were with various volunteer organizations, but lately I learned of the existence of the Kakapo in New Zealand. It is an interesting bird, and they have the Kakapo Recovery Program which accepts volunteers for 2 weeks minimum in the summer to help. There are also several programs that work with orphanages in china, one has a summer camp that they need volunteers for. :)

I really dislike having lots of homework to do on the first week of school, such a mood spoiler! Speaking of which, I have a test on indoor air quality tmr and I am sooo dreading to even open my lecture notes now. I need to get those stupid chemcials and micro bacteria inside my headd. I can't believe tmr is friday! Time passes soooo fast! Soon, another weekend is here again. Any plans, holly?

On the next 'episode' of shholly shhilly, I will let you know what are my plans for this weekend. Stay tune!

HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY PEOPLE! :)

goooooooodbye!

Shirley

I've been LAZY.

2009-01-07T20:40:00.000-08:00

School starts tomorrow. :( I know...I said I was excited, but I'm not so excited about having to work until 8pm now that I am starting school. so horrible

So Tuesday was my off day because I have to work Saturday. My mom calls me at like 8:30am about who knows what. Some email she sent me and I have confirm something so we can order my books for school online. The whole time I'm like sleepy and asking myself, "what?, why?, why are you calling me so early?!!" I mean, why? can this not wait until 9:30am? why 8:30 on my off day? why would you do that to me?

I also had doctor appts on Tuesday. The first being the dentist, which I cannot stand. I liked the dentist when I was young but now I dread it. My teeth are sensitive and I can't even handle the feeling of the cold water they spray on my teeth sometimes (you know-the water they use to rinse off your teeth from that junk they cleaned it with). I told Shirley it's like having a nail salon in your mouth when you go to the dentist. At least when a cavity is being filled. ZHHHRRRR!!! ZZZHHHRRRRRR!!!!!! Who wants that? And there are sharp objects involved. You don't even know what's going on in there. UGH! not fun.

The second appt was for my family doctor. I really really really like him. He's such a great doctor since he explains exactly what's going on with you....like if you're sick or something. I was just going for a check up on my medicine that I take regularly (for-you guessed it-depression). You have to have check ups because depression medicine can lead you in the opposite direction than you are trying to go. Especially in adolescents. Everything is fine and I'm not a zombie. :) haha. I'm starting a full load of classes (tomorrow!) and I'm also working full time, so he wants to make sure I am taking my medicine. He's really great.

By the way...I don't know about other countries but depression is very common in America and many people if not most take medicine for it. I don't want to be one of those people and am hoping to only need it while going through counciling so I can handle what I'm working through.

So then today I went to a counciling appt. I met someone while in the waiting room. She is about my age and was talking to a war vet. She began to include me in the conversation and asked me a bunch of questions about myself. Her personality reminded me of myself when I'm not overwhelmed, though I'm not sure I was ever quite that outgoing as to talk to a total stranger about what I do and who I am. I mean when you go to counciling it's usually like a secret rule not to talk to any of the other patients. You don't know how crazy they are or what they think of you. hahaha And alot of the time people are just embarrassed to be there. She was just as happy as could be. ha. She was really nice and said she would find me on myspace after asking for my name. I don't know if she will try or if she will be able to find me. I just thought that was a funny and cool experience.

So tomorrow is the big first day back to school. I'm so jelouse of Shirley since she's getting out of school soon. What is it? like 52 days?

We shall see how tomorrow goes. I've stayed up too late.....I hope I don't fall asleep on the first day. I have math too...uh oh. hahaha

Until tomorrow!

-Holly

quick one!

2009-01-06T10:26:00.000-08:00

here's a random one!

"It tastes like heaven and smells like hell."

It's not uncommon for us to buy a whole bunch of them, and invite our friends over for a durian party and eat a mono meal of durian only! It's also not surprise that there are many who actually avoid durian like the plague as not everyone can take the smell... So after school today, my friend and I went to have some durian and the price was good! It was really awesome!

Saying about durians reminded me of my growing up when the durian season comes once or twice a year and going out with dad in the late hours to the durian stall, sitting on a low stool in anticipation as dad selects and asks for the bitter ones...Anyway, Holly had agreed to join me for this durian marathon one day. Oh, we had a new 'add on' to our wishlist too. lol.

So what should i do with my boomerang now? I just have a strong urge to get one! Don't ask me why. hahaha. Anyway, now that the weather is getting nicer, so much better compared to last month! Its SUNNY over here! It cheers me up somehow. :) Those rainy/hot spells that we've been having is just depressing!

Anyway I could go on and on but this was, after all, just supposed to be a quick update so I think I've babbled on enough! I will blog more tmr! ;)

how was the doctor appt holly? I hope it wasn't as crazy as the dentist one!

I'm off to bed now. gooooood bye everyone! Cheers. ;)

Shirley

Work Day!

2009-01-05T22:10:00.000-08:00

"Welcome to Allstate, my name is Holly, how may I help you today?"

I know this is like the ugliest picture with me making the weirdest face but it's like the only one I have of me at work. *note: my hair is not this long anymore....much much shorter.

This picture was actually taken by a friend of mine at work on a Saturday. Saturday's aren't as busy and not as many people are there. I remember this was a slower Saturday. My friend, Justin had his camera as always and of course started taking pictures. Why? I have no idea. I don't think I asked. I ended up using the camera as well. :)

I totally agree Shirley! Australia was really long. Really great but I got antsy. The friend of mine that I went with actually was surprised I stayed awake. haha! See my friend moved to Birmingham from Hong Kong and I was her first friend here, so we hung out a good bit. When I would get of work on weekends, I would often go to her house to watch a movie. She loves movies and we had the same taste in books/movies. (usually) But thirty minutes or less into the movie I would fall asleep! hahahaha! It would frustrate her. haha. I didn't mean too but I couldn't fight it....I don't see the point in fighting sleep...it's going to happen. I mean I was like sixteen and working all the time when I wasn't at school. Of course I was going to fall asleep.

Thank goodness I don't have to work tomorrow!! Such a blessing. I can sleep in and all but hopefully I wont waste the day.

That piece of art I put up in my last entry is called "The Kiss" by Klimt. Most of his paintings revolve around women if not all. From what I have read he thought that women had something over men like a control. Women=Vixen .....You can see more of this in his other paintings. They are all very sexual. I don't know why I loved "The Kiss" so much. I can just stare at it. Hard to explain but it's makes me feel peaceful. :)
Which reminds me....I'm taking Art Appreciation this semester.

Well, since I am off tomorrow, expect another entry. :) Have a good night!!

-Holly

back to school

2009-01-05T05:06:00.000-08:00

Well, SO FAR SO GOOD. School started back today and I thought it was ~~boring~~. Nothing much happened but I gotta say, though there are some interesting looking people !

I saw a 1/2 a Mohawk (the top was missing, but there was no hair on the sides, just a LONG pony tail in the back!), a couple of Goth teens (or is it Emo now? haha). It was cool to see EVERYONE today. :) But the hard stuffs has not started. Anyway, normal stuff on the first day of school. One day down...

In fact I'm quite excited to get started on this blog! :) And now, for better or worse, we have got the blogging bug! and decided to move our personal, family, friends, school, work, and etc stuffs here! ;D Above anything else, the pleasure of writing and keeping in touch! :)

My friend and I actually wanted to watch Benjamin Button today but the tickets were all sold out! So we watched Australia instead. Australia is quite a good movie and it feels like 2 movies patched together. All in all, it's still enjoyable, though the 165 mins(around 3hrs!) duration was kinda annoying. have you watch that movie?

I have watched the Benjamin Button's trailer the other day, but I didn't realize it was a Bratt Pitt and Fincher movie ! until holly told me. Alright that seals the deal for me, and I'll definitely watch it soon. Fincher and Pitt have always made a fantastic team! :)

Looking at today's school systems all around the world, it seems like they have all been messed up. Anyway, what time do your class starts on Thursday and what lessons are they? My goal for the weekend is to get a few crappy projects done! :D It's been a while. Wish me luck! ;) I played around with the html just now and added a few songs like In A Sweater Poorly Knit, City Girl, I'm yours, Apologize etc, to the playlist.

and I came across this little stuff on Numb3rs, and thought it was a great lesson to share it here! ;)

2 15 18 9 6 4.

Pick a number.

Now, how many of you picked 18? How many picked 6?

And how many of you picked 7? Or 951? Or 3000?

Why not? I didn't say you had to pick a number that I wrote down. Yet most people assume that.

People tend to make assumptions.. More specifically, people tend to make assumptions based on what they've seen in the past, and what they know.

But sometimes, these assumptions can limit your choices. You may have more opportunities than you think you have, if you get past the initial assumption.

and yes! Its really amazing how the time difference makes me live in your FUTURE! :) haha so never worry about the world coming to an end today...It's already tomorrow in Singapore! and Australia is 2hours ahead of us. :)

I think that piece of art painting is cool! Art can be very interesting. It all depends how you look at it to get the picture! :)

I am going to the nature park tmr morning for butterflies picture taking and observation (a 1 year butterfly project). Here's a picture of a Branded Imperial that was taken when resting on the leaf!

Hope you have a good week holly! and everyone too!
I will write soon. :)

Shirley

"Doubt"

2009-01-04T20:30:00.000-08:00

Anyone know this painting? I've always loved it for some reason. I tried to recreate it in 7th grade art class....I'm sure I didn't do very well. I've loved it since then and I have a copy hanging on my wall in my room.

So...Doubt was pretty good. =) Though I guess I don't have much to say about it. It was intense and had a good climax. It had great actors. Hmmm....but I liked The Curious Life of Benjamin Button better. Not that you can really compare the two because they are completely different. I just enjoyed it more.

So my last entry was long yeah? Haha this one shall be short. I'm getting tired. Another work day tomorrow. Blah. They are making us wear business casual now so I will have to spend more time getting ready. I'm no good at that. I like to take my time in the morning and I usually don't get out of bed in time enough to do that.

I checked my school calender. Classes don't start until this Thursday! Why?! That's one day of classes....I'll only be attending two out of the four because of that. Why would they not start Wednesday? I will never understand school systems. aahhh!
Funny how today is tomorrow in Singapore.....or in all of Asia for that matter. Shirley, you're in the future! hahaha

Until Next Time!
-Holly

my first!

2009-01-04T17:02:00.001-08:00

So today is the first day of school.
Wish me LUCK. cos I'm really dreading it...
I want my holidays!!

Benjamin or Doubt later? :D aww...
so whats up with Doubt, holly?

So this is my first entry here!
Though I'm sure everyone love the PREVIOUS entry more! haha.
I promise to blog more later yeah.

If you laugh at the end of a hard day, you have succeeded it.
Have you laugh today?

Well I hate to go, but school starts today. :(
Take care everyone!

-Shirley

Kickin Back on the Sunday

2009-01-04T11:59:00.000-08:00

Metalgearsolid4....I am stuck watching my boyfriend play it. I could go home and get stuff done but I'm always over at his family's house on Sunday. haha well since he's gotten a Playstation 3 for Christmas maybe that will have to change. Fun for him, quite boring for me.
School starts next week so maybe I wont have a choice anyway.

I know this sounds weird to many but I absolutely love school. I love learning at the rate you do in college. High School was slow and boring and I didn't do my work or pay attention. College is faster paced and much more interesting. Not only that, but the teachers talk to you like you are a human being rather than a minnie person. haha.

The only thing that has made school stressful is working full time as well as schooling full time. I'm hoping maybe I work some finances out to where I don't work full time after this semester. A friend of mine has said she knows of a part time job for me so it would be awesome if i could take it up after this semester!

How many people take out loans? I'm told everyone does but they stink so bad. Like I will spend forever paying them off you know? Why would I want to do that? I'm lucky that my uncle paid for this semseter. Such a releif. No loans so far! But so much farther to go! (I have a problem with worrying too much about the future.)

So Christmas was okay....kinda boring. I only got the day of Christmas off from work and that's just because we were closed. ha. Christmas would be more for me but my parent's and I don't really see Christmas in the same light. I can't say I have the best relationship with them either for pretty much the same reason. I don't have a good past with my stepdad which ended up hurting mine and my mother's relationship. :( My mom and my real dad divorced when I was very young so I don't remember. I saw him a lot when I was in early elementry school and never after that until I was in middle school....late middle school. Because of my problems with my stepdad I moved in with my dad. That didn't turn at well either...not healthy. So I moved in with my stepsister...haha. Also didn't turn out so well. So then I moved back in with my mom and step dad. High School was stressful because of all this...which is why I moved out right before I turned 18. The relations I have with my family is the reason why I'm over at my boyfriends house a lot too. I love his family and they have been so welcoming....it's so nice. He also has a younger sister that is in a long distant relationship with her boyfriend. When he comes down we have like a family time. =) Best moments. haha

New Years was so much better! Friends came over and we played games and drank champange...so nice and lovely. =)

I'm going to see a movie today! "Doubt" very exciting. I love the theater and the popcorn and coke!

I'm so sore! I did a pilates workout yesterday..whew! It feels good to be sore you know? I like working out....I promise I'm not a girl version of a meathead. hahaha. I just like the feeling of finishing something.

Well, I guess this is all for now. I hope your holidays have been well!

-Holly