Saturday, May 23, 2009
HOW ARE YOU???
So, my computer still doesn't work. :( I was talking to shirley the other day on MSN and then my computer froze. Sooo frustrating. I don't know what to do. I always expect things to take care of themselves and I never know when to get someone else involved.I'm at work :( on a Saturday. I just got paid yesterday Shirley!!! That means snail mail for you!!
I went to my psychiatrist appt sometime after I blogged last. I'm not sure how I feel about it. She diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. At first I was relieved and glad I wouldn't have to wait and see what happens after I no longer take the medicine. But now, after talking with a friend, I'm not so happy. Of course she is down in the slumps so i know her outlook is only negative for now, but it made me question a lot of things....will my disorder be controlled by medicine or will i ruin friendships and other relationships.?
I also have a room mate problem. :( Me and my present room mate are splitting ways. I had other friends that needed a room mate but now that seems to be falling through. So now...my only option as of yet is my parents house....and that's not such a healthy place for me. No one wants me to go there-even my doctors. No offense to my parents but that home is not a home...it's a bad memory. Jake says I have a lot of time to try and find a room mate but again i'm scared i'll just ruin another relationship because my meds stop working or something. People who aren't bipolar don't really understand what it's like to fall into a depression that gets worse each time. Or what it's like to feel like you can't move out from your car. You don't want life to go on because you don't know how to handle anything.
I had a borderline moment last night. I haven't really had any because my medicine has been doing so well, but medicine doesn't work as well for being borderline. Borderline is corrected or contained by cognitive therapy. Hmmm....:( A lot of work. I'm ready to be done with all of this really. Done with overreacting to things and feeling along and not wanting to be alone. I want to be fun and rational, but I'm scared I wont get that back.
There are a lot of people who I wish I could go back and say I'm sorry, but I feel it wouldn't make a difference.
Well. GOTZ TO GO!
MISS YOU SHIRLEY!!!
-An Qi
Best Friends Ever9:12 AM
Thursday, May 14, 2009
School's over, now what?
It’s been a long time since I’ve written here, but when I do write, look out, because I tend to write a lot when the spirit moves me! Consider me moved. haha.
So, HI everyone!
Life is pretty good right now, although I'm still on a job hunt (for a better job), then I can have more money to splash out/save. And I'm still thinking if I should take up the job offer that the school director talked to me about after the graduation ceremony.
Anyway, I just gotten back from a simple celebration with my friends. So school's over. We did it! I graduated!! I really wish that I could have blogged during the ceremony. And believe me, it lasted long enough that I could have written more than one entry.
The whole graduation process was kinda wild and crazy, as usual the ceremony itself dragged on way too long. Anyway, the graduation ceremony was pretty awesome. Listening to the speeches made me reflect and all the memories we made and lessons we have learned...
Yes, after 3 gruelling years of studying, I graduated yesterday. I couldn't believe that I'd have got to the end, but I have. The past 3 years have gone by so fast it's hard to believe that I will be entering the real world so soon. The past years in Ngee Ann, have probably been one of the best 3 years of my life. From being a freshman and being scared to talk to people in the hallways, to a senior and student leader, were three years that I won't forget.
Walking in the auditorium was a weird experience. It was like, " Oh man, I can't believe this is the last time I'll walk in here." The ceremony began with an honored speaker, our school director. She was really entertaining and I enjoyed her speech. Basically, she told us to follow our dreams, and that hit home. Because if you don't follow your dreams, then what was the point of school?
And then the walking began. I was so excited waiting in line. There were so many people there! Parents were waving their hands and jumping up and down. It was hilarious. I've never seen so many people so excited at one time.
And then... they called my name! I was super scared I was going to trip. But I reassured myself by saying, "Make sure you don't fall." And that helped a lot. But I walked fine. And I got my certificate. It was like all eyes were on me. Of course they weren't, but it felt like it. haha.
It felt so unreal, I don't even think it hit me yet. I don't feel like I've graduated. Afterwards, everyone gathered together and took several pictures, and my classmates and teachers who gave me hugs and lots of well wishes. It was great.
But alas, it's over, as the journey has come to the end. I will sorely miss Ngee Ann and all my friends and teachers, but I can say that I had the time of my life. If I could do it again, I would. I'd probably do it 10 times over. I loved every part of school, though sometimes the amount of homework and exams stress can be terrible.
The parting is going to be bittersweet - while I’m going to be sad to leave my friends and school life (which is way more cooler than normal life, if you didn’t know), I’m also really enthusiastic and curious about where my future is going to take me.
What now? A graduate in my position has two choices:
a) To work, or, b) To study further.
Now, this one is a difficult choice to make, and there’s no saying what’s best for me. I haven’t thought about it all that much, but I am definitely more inclined towards earning a business degree at a minimum.
Now, off to find a job and meet the real world! Wish me luck!! Anyway I got a nice case for my certificate. Haha.
Well I had a good day.. I graduated, it’s sunny and I’m happy.
I haven't talk to Holly for quite a while and I was just wondering what happened to her internet. I gave her a buzz and asked how she was doing and glad she is doing great. Hopefully her finals went well.
I MISS YOU TOO HOLLY!!
Take care and God bless.
-Shirley
Best Friends Ever5:00 PM
Saturday, May 9, 2009
NO INTERNET!!!
Wow, life is slow without internet. I can't look anything up or even communicate with Shirley. And here I am blogging on my work computer during my break. :)Finals were this week and I really hope I did well on my Psychology test. That's the only class I'm worried about. Kind of ironic since that's what I'm most interested....turns out I don't study even if it is interesting. awww...i'm so horrible hahaha. So I basically studied for the first time this year for finals....I should study more often so it wouldn't be so stressfull.
Hey Shirley! I miss you!
It's so odd how when I take off work, I dread it even more. I end up not going because I feel like I'll die...like having an anxiety attack. I really need a new job and to work only part time because I'm in school....but I have to wait until I can get loans to cover the bills. If only I studied in High School and cared.
I'm sooo sleepy. I took my medicine late last night and so it kept me from really waking up this morning. 450 mg's ...it'll knock you out. I hate taking it because I'm always with people when I have to take it and then I feel like a drugee or something. I'm not sure if I blogged about this before....there are these classes that teach people with bpd how to cope and take control over their mood swings. I have to wait a few weeks for the new class to start and once I have things under control they will take me off of my medicine. The horrible thing is that my family doctor thinks I'm bipolar and it's a possiblility to my phsychiatrist and councilor but they will all tell you we wont know until I'm off the medicine. GREAT If I am I look forward to the times of high energy and constant cleaning and being restless...taking lots of walks and just being giddy and happy and funny. But then I have the depression to look forward to....and it's gets worse everytime. So...I'm frustrated with the doctors but I guess I can't blame them...I just wish they were sure about something.
Okay!!! Time is up :(
-Holly
Best Friends Ever9:13 AM