Tuesday, March 24, 2009
IT'S BEEN SO LONG!!!
So i haven't blogged in months I think...I can't remember. So much has been going on. I have been going through a really tuff time with my depression. I started having horrible spells of freaking out when I began feeling depressed. At one point I had images of hanging myself. I am not suicidal and I don't want to kill myself but I just had these images in my head. I freaked out and became even more scared because I felt like I had not control. Bummer. So my depression medicine had obviously stopped working. I'm now on a mood stabilizer and it seems to be helping but I still over react to a lot of things. My councilor is kinda screening me for Borderline Personality Disorder . She had me read a book on it and I could really relate. I have an appt today so we shall see what she says.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is apparently responsible for almost 25% of hospitalizations concerning suicide. SCARY. It's between that and Bipolar but I'm starting to think it's BPD. Everyttime I freak out it's for a reason and people with bipolar actually don't always react to something...it just starts happening.
Because I started freaking out a lot, I couldn't work. The doctors took me off work for a month but I had to return early or I wouldn't get paid. So they released me to work but only for 4 hours per day. I'm up to 6 hours now but I almost can't stand it....I'm dreading the 8 hours.
Oh I didn't mention this before but I'm seeing a councilor a psychiatrist and then of course my family doctor so he knows what is going on. It's all confusing.
So I saw Twilight this past Friday and LOVED it. Well I mean certain parts were cheesy and I don't like that kind of stuff but ....that usually means they stayed really close to the book which is good. I haven't read the book so I wouldn't know...but I plan too. I think I liked the movie so much because of how Edward treated Bella. I mean....I'm not sure if relationships could ever be like that and in some areas I wouldn't want it to. I'm a Christian so I wouldn't want the guy to believe I am what he lives for....that's a lot of pressure. BUT Edward is a nice guy who cares and takes care of Bella in even the simplest ways which is what girls are always looking for. I'm sure not every girl looks for that and some aren't as romantic as others. But yeah...I guess that's why I like it.
I'm on Spring Break right now! BUT I still have work. Story of my life. I took off a couple of days though. :)
Well I guess I'll be blogging later...hopefully it wont take as long this time.
How are you Shirley!! I miss you!
-Holly
Best Friends Ever11:05 AM
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Swim!
Today was fun.. Well sort of.. it was boring for a while and the pool was warmer today it was realy cool! So i went swimming with a friend today. I have been wanting to hit the pool ever since the start of work, trying to get rid of the aches and pains accumulated from work. Its been 5 months since i last get into the water. I thought I would end up getting out of the pool early. But I swam 40 laps today! And I did it with all smiles! haha that was like, Wow.


Swimming let my mind wanders, my head pounds, and my body works. Its weightless and cool. Nothing compares to a lap in the pool. And so I swam a couple of my laps on my back, just working on my kicking, so that I could keep my face out of the water to breath constantly. We went to the slides and the lazy pool too. Then, We picked up dinner on the way home from the pool and then bought a new swim cap.
Next.
My part time job at the baby fair is a soul-sucking, spirit-crushing boredom festival. I have to be chained to the baby products, eight hours a day. It’s like a huge chunk of my life gone, and if my boss suddenly turns into a monster (among other possible worst case scenarios), it can really cast an ugly pallor on everything else. Okay i shall not complain too much. 11 more days to the end of my job. :D
Now...
They all want me to get a good job like from locally (after graduation). But I could never live an average life like that; it will kill me. I'm not made to sit in a shop or an office all day. My mind is always on my stories, thinking about new ones, dreaming about what’s happening next. The life attracts me so much, I just cant seem to tell my family, I think i'm scared of disappointing them.
I just feel like moving to somewhere else (like the states), straight out of school to learn about the real world and build a business. Or maybe I should find a full time job and save up some money first.

This is exactly the stage I’m in right now; Seriously.
I have no idea where my life is going.
While I’m figuring things out, I'm going to use some of this “off time” to plan what I’ve been always want to do... I also plan on volunteering at a local organization and getting involved in the community; I need to build my soul back up, and volunteering is a good way to do it. I feel like taking some random classes and play guitar too.
But above everything else, i just wish i could pack a bag and hit the road until I make up my mind.
I am DECOMPOSING soon. (if i carry on not deciding what to do with my life.)
I realize how pathetic I sound. :( And I'm extremely nervous of getting back my results this friday. Pls pray for me... and GOOD LUCK TO ME!!!

“Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?” — Friedrich Nietzsche
how are you holly? did the medicine work? what are you up to? Let me know whats going on in your life!
Take care everyone!
and
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!
-Shirley
Best Friends Ever5:40 AM
BLOG OWNERS
♥ Holly Spargo An Qi
Scorpio
Oct 30
Enjoys Traveling, Reading, Writing, Teaching at church, Psychology, Starbucks, Sushi and Noodles.
``I like trying new things, as long as I'm with friends.
I have my ups and downs and i'm not perfect-I'm just trying to figure things out. I hope you can understand. :)
♥ Shirley Kwek
Gemini
June 18
Enjoys Traveling, Reading, Badminton, Swimming, Sightseeing, Movies, Pizza, Starbucks, Biology.
``I'm random and always up for a good laugh. I like comfortable silences, knowing someone so well that you don't have to speak. I find intelligence hot and strong personalities even more. Dislike being confined.
OUR WISHLIST
♥♥♥
1. To achieve all those stated below
2. World Peace
3. Travel Around the World
4. Enjoy life and be with our loved ones
5. Have a good Career
6. End of Genocide Around the Globe
7. Our First Million
8. Stop Abortion
9. Work and Settle Abroad
10. A Friend in each country
11. Good Grades for our Academic
12. Lesser Homework for now
...to be continued. :D
Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.