It has been sooo long! I am working my second shift as an RA on campus and the hours are 9pm to 1am. Seems harsh but really I like it; it's so laid back. I am starting to get tired actually but this is good because lately it's been hard to get to sleep. Because of my late night shift, I have been able to talk to Shirley for the first time in months! I'm so happy about it!
My first Semester at the University of Alabama at Birmingham is over and went smoothly. My suite mate and I became really great friends and I'm sooo thankful for that! I also made friends with some of my other suite mates...I had three. :) We had a lot of fun and I miss them now that I have a room and everything to myself. I recently got a couch moved into my room so it feels less lonely. Sam, my old suite mate stayed the night with me a couple of nights ago and it was AWESOME because I haven't had a sleepover since high school.
So I no longer work at Allstate and I'm a full time student...well, not this summer. I have been so much happier since leaving Allstate. It was a long process but I see now that Allstate was necessary to get me out from my parents household. I'm so much more stable now and super excited about life.
WOW, I'm starting to see double!
Making good grades is a lot a lot easier than I thought it would be. I actually studied this semester and turned everything in and it wasn't so time consuming as I thought it would be.
This is a song that I thought was really beautiful:

I fell in love again
all things go, all things go
drove to Chicago
all things know, all things know
we sold our clothes to the state
I don't mind, I don't mind
I made a lot of mistakes
in my mind, in my mind

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

I drove to New York
in a van, with my friend
we slept in parking lots
I don't mind, I don't mind
I was in love with the place
in my mind, in my mind
I made a lot of mistakes
in my mind, in my mind

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

if I was crying
in the van, with my friend
it was for freedom
from myself and from the land
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes
I made a lot of mistakes

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
all things know, all things know
you had to find it
all things go, all things go

you came to take us
all things go, all things go
to recreate us
all things grow, all things grow
we had our mindset
(I made a lot of mistakes)
all things know, all things know
(I made a lot of mistakes)
you had to find it
(I made a lot of mistakes)
all things go, all things go
(I made a lot of mistakes)

Can't wait to talk to you again, Shirley!

-An Qi

So I was browsing facebook and came across some blogs....
And wow.
Urban Outfitters is not where fashion ends. SORRY
I couldn't help myself.

So I've moved onto UAB's campus which is awesome. I've been given some awesome room mates and I'm really getting involved. My advisor emailed me about becoming an SGA senate because no one else was running for the school of general studies. So here I am completing a small internship for senate...never thought I would be joining SGA. It's crazy! I have also interviewed to be an RA, however, I feel I may have screwed up that last interview (I made it to the final round.). We shall see!

I've also been really applying myself which I haven't done since 5th grade...very interesting. Turns out I'm good at math.

Today I was missing Shirley (because we rarely get to talk) and took out some of the stuff she sent me. Some of it I hadn't used and decided it was time to use so I would be reminded of her. :) Miss you Shirley!

Tea is so wonderful :) So soothing.

I am settled in at the Barksdale's and completely out of the apartment. Our lease was up on Friday! This week was also my first day back to work from my month long break. It wasn't so bad the first day but the middle of the week was horrible. I felt as if the day dragged on....I ended up leaving after two hours and had to make it up later on in the week. I think I've gotten back into the groove of things now.

Last time I talked about how I do whatever people want me to do, so I don't have to suffer the consequences (like a guilt trip). With what I'm going through, I need as little stress as possible. I believe God does things or lets things happen for a reason. I know that what I've been diagnosed with is not good news, but since I've been diagnosed God has shown me areas of my life that have to change in order for survival. Like saying no to certain people that repeatedly hurt me. Not taking on everyone's burdens, and actually thinking of myself. I told my community group that I'm really really tired of talking about it (and I am sooo tired of it), but I'm grateful for how God is using this.
Speaking of my savior, ....Jake and I had been going to Christ the King Anglican Church for a long time now but I feel that we don't belong there. I've met the same people 5 times but am somehow a stranger. I love the church but it's God's decision as to where I will serve and worship. So now we are trying the church we came from and also Red Mountain. I haven't been really connected to a church in a while and I'm ready.

Has then been a really hard time in your life that you look back on and realize that you are truly grateful for it because you learned one of the most important lessons of your life?

Shirley!!! Those pictures are so great! What kind of camera do you have?? When do you go back home?
I haven't sent your package yet but I'm trying to make it better than the last! I found this awesome store downtown that sells all different kinds of nicknack's and old stuff! I also didn't want to send your package until you got home, so let me know!
It's so great that you are growing !!
I miss you!

Holly

H E L L O again!!

It's been a while since the last time I blogged. So I'm doing it now in Germany!! Many things have happened since my last post, and I will try to let you know about it in the next days. And now, about my life in Germany.

I would say it's a picturesque country full of vibrant flowers cascading from window boxes, charming old towns with cobblestone roads.

It's just as you see it in pictures, really! Overall, Germany is gorgeous, the people are friendly, and most speak at least some English. Believe me. Lots of Americans over there, no worry.

The cities are so clean and sometimes have the Middle Ages feel where you enter the main streets from arched walk ways and stone streets.

Every day we would be off to explore another city, town, mountain, or village, either by train or car.




Anyway, what I wanted to talk about today is about what happens on Sundays in Germany. In Germany almost all shops are closed on Sunday. Supermarkets, malls, bakeries, shops, bookshops, etc. Sunday is a day to be with family and no work, like cutting the grass, is done on this day.

I was not used to it at all. Back in my home country, supermarkets and malls are open the whole week and some even 24 hours.


The pace of life is much slower and more enjoyable. I go the the grocery store almost every day. Food is fresher and foods like chicken and beef dont have a lot of preservatives and dont last but a day or two in the refrigerator.

I did a lot of shopping at the german markets. Everything is really cheap. Like $1.00 for a package of cheese.




The food is amazing - if you pass a street vendor selling sausages, BUY ONE, because that's some of the best food EVER!
The beer, of course, is wonderful, and practically every town has their own brewery. Regardless if you are a fan of beer or not, the best place in the world to enjoy the variety and quality of good beer is here. They do have very strange ideas about pizza too.



Getting off the food kick, one of the neatest things about living in Germany is how easy it is to get to other countries - you can take on road trips to Netherlands, Denmark, France, Italy, Austria, Switzerland etc.


There's also a ton to see and do in Germany itself, and most towns and cities have an older section sometimes dating back 800 or more years!


I'll never forget the first time I saw that Castle, it was magnificent, my first castle, high above the town, overlooking everything, it seemed so majestic and magical to me.

That was the Neuschwanstein Castle in Southwest, Germany, an inspiration Walt Disney used to make Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella's castles.


The mountains and countryside are beautiful. There are flowers everywhere. The history there is amazing and incredible.

It was so unimaginable when you go into a church that is 1000 years old. Christmas markets are wonderful and we really missed them this year.



Needless to say, this experience of traveling and living in Germany for a month changed my life and my way of looking at things like no other before or since.


What started out as somewhat fearful of the unknown, has turned into my lifelong quest for travel, sometimes bordering on the edge of obsession, to learn about other places, people and cultures.



Well i could go on and on. There are so many wonderful thing to experience.There's so much more to tell.

Just remember: don't be afraid to get out and experience your surroundings. Eat, drink and be happy.




Shirley

So what's new with all of you?? Hope everything is well!
I've been off work recently and I'm dreading going back....I'm not sure if I'm ready.

So, I didn't enroll for school this semester because my lease isn't up until the end of September and Allstate wont let me work part time. So I'll be enrolling next semester :)
I was supposed to move in with my parents for 3 months but hey,....I just couldn't. I got so stressed out about it and I've been told to reconsider...So I did. I'm a horrible decision maker. I've made all these "smart" decisions that has had me compromise my quality of life. I can't make the decisions that are healthy for me - The ones where I'm not draining myself and making myself go crazy. I've always been this way because I've been taught to make others happy. I mean, when I've tried to make good decisions for myself, I have had to face the consequence of my parents reaction. My mom, up until recently, would get upset if I showed that I could not live with her and my stepfather or that I couldn't take her advice or if I was distancing myself from her. I say up until recently because lately she's been concerned. The last two times I've freaked out it's been over a fight that's we have had. She's kind of gotten to the point where she doesn't care about what the decision is as long as I'm in a healthy place that I want to be in. So when I told her I didn't think I could handle moving back, she was okay with it.. That scared me honestly and I started crying on the phone because I was scared that once I moved in with someone else (most likely Jake's parents) then she would start being moody and upset. She said she wouldn't and understood that I felt this way because that's how she normally reacts. So she really wants me to just be better. That's a huge relief. When I was told to reconsider living with them, I started having anxiety attacks because I didn't think I could tell my mom.

Are you like that? Always trying to please others and not knowing how to do things for yourself?
I would have told you before that I do things for myself, because I do. I buy things for myself and do what I want for the most part. Put when it comes to doing what my parents or family want me to do, I do whatever so I don't have to deal with them being upset.

Jake found an article about a interview with Chris Brown....it's pretty bad. I mean, this guy acts like he just broke Rihanna's bicycle. I know he says that he has problems with violence towards women because his parents were a role model for him, but that's no excuse. If you know you have a problem, then get help. You are constantly making your own decisions and no one made him hit Rihanna! I mean we all have our problems because of our parents but when it comes down to it, no one makes us do the screwed up things we do. I also don't understand how Chris thinks going around pretending like it's not that big of a deal is helping him any. It is a big deal. You're a celebrity, and everyone is watching you. Normal people face serious jail time over this stuff. Domestic abuse is not pretty and no one is a fan. Who is Chris's publicists? I sometimes wonder if he has one. The best response would have been to deeply apologize and pretend like he means it and then give some community time and money to domestic abuse awareness.
Here's the article: http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-chris-brown-interview-that-will-give-you-enoug,32546/

Tell me what you think.

Hey Shirley! I hope everything is well. Please update the blog about your trip! With pictures!!


Holly

I think I'm going to recommit. It's been too long since I've blogged and I want to do it more often. I'm out of school now, so more time available :)

Jake and I are having problems again and sometimes I become scared it just wont work out and break ups are horrible and lonely. Every so often he will say something that makes it sound like he gets it and that he's growing but words are different from actions.

I applied for part time at my job and was denied. So I can't go back to school this semester but will have to wait for the Spring semester. My lease is up in September so I'll be moving back home for 3 months which no one thinks I should do other than my mother. If only my mother understood. The good thing about this 3 month long stay is that I'll be able to save some money to get a new computer!

Shirley, I miss you! I only have aol chat on jake's computer. We tried downloading the other but we can't find a version for the apple. :(

I may be going to Africa this summer! It's been my dream for years now. And Shirley you are heading to Germany so soon?! What will you be doing there? Work? School?

Well, I shall go

thanks for reading!


Holly

So, my computer still doesn't work. :( I was talking to shirley the other day on MSN and then my computer froze. Sooo frustrating. I don't know what to do. I always expect things to take care of themselves and I never know when to get someone else involved.
I'm at work :( on a Saturday. I just got paid yesterday Shirley!!! That means snail mail for you!!
I went to my psychiatrist appt sometime after I blogged last. I'm not sure how I feel about it. She diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. At first I was relieved and glad I wouldn't have to wait and see what happens after I no longer take the medicine. But now, after talking with a friend, I'm not so happy. Of course she is down in the slumps so i know her outlook is only negative for now, but it made me question a lot of things....will my disorder be controlled by medicine or will i ruin friendships and other relationships.?

I also have a room mate problem. :( Me and my present room mate are splitting ways. I had other friends that needed a room mate but now that seems to be falling through. So now...my only option as of yet is my parents house....and that's not such a healthy place for me. No one wants me to go there-even my doctors. No offense to my parents but that home is not a home...it's a bad memory. Jake says I have a lot of time to try and find a room mate but again i'm scared i'll just ruin another relationship because my meds stop working or something. People who aren't bipolar don't really understand what it's like to fall into a depression that gets worse each time. Or what it's like to feel like you can't move out from your car. You don't want life to go on because you don't know how to handle anything.

I had a borderline moment last night. I haven't really had any because my medicine has been doing so well, but medicine doesn't work as well for being borderline. Borderline is corrected or contained by cognitive therapy. Hmmm....:( A lot of work. I'm ready to be done with all of this really. Done with overreacting to things and feeling along and not wanting to be alone. I want to be fun and rational, but I'm scared I wont get that back.
There are a lot of people who I wish I could go back and say I'm sorry, but I feel it wouldn't make a difference.

Well. GOTZ TO GO!
MISS YOU SHIRLEY!!!

-An Qi

Wow, life is slow without internet. I can't look anything up or even communicate with Shirley. And here I am blogging on my work computer during my break. :)
Finals were this week and I really hope I did well on my Psychology test. That's the only class I'm worried about. Kind of ironic since that's what I'm most interested....turns out I don't study even if it is interesting. awww...i'm so horrible hahaha. So I basically studied for the first time this year for finals....I should study more often so it wouldn't be so stressfull.

Hey Shirley! I miss you!

It's so odd how when I take off work, I dread it even more. I end up not going because I feel like I'll die...like having an anxiety attack. I really need a new job and to work only part time because I'm in school....but I have to wait until I can get loans to cover the bills. If only I studied in High School and cared.

I'm sooo sleepy. I took my medicine late last night and so it kept me from really waking up this morning. 450 mg's ...it'll knock you out. I hate taking it because I'm always with people when I have to take it and then I feel like a drugee or something. I'm not sure if I blogged about this before....there are these classes that teach people with bpd how to cope and take control over their mood swings. I have to wait a few weeks for the new class to start and once I have things under control they will take me off of my medicine. The horrible thing is that my family doctor thinks I'm bipolar and it's a possiblility to my phsychiatrist and councilor but they will all tell you we wont know until I'm off the medicine. GREAT If I am I look forward to the times of high energy and constant cleaning and being restless...taking lots of walks and just being giddy and happy and funny. But then I have the depression to look forward to....and it's gets worse everytime. So...I'm frustrated with the doctors but I guess I can't blame them...I just wish they were sure about something.

Okay!!! Time is up :(

-Holly

My photo in case you forgot my face. :)

Shirley! I'm almost in the same boat. I have been actively searching for jobs and I feel the same way....who will look at my resume? What can I do to make sure it has been reviewed. I was lucky with one as a friend works in the hospital that I applied to. She gave me the name of someone in the department I was applying too. So I called and made sure they looked me over. The HR lady said she would send to the manager....and I haven't heard back since. :( A job I really really wanted.

So the doctor upped my medicine to 450 mg and that seems to be working. Better at least. With borderline medicine can only do so much. My mood swings are still there but I'm not depressed and when I start to go over the deep end on a mood swing, I don't go as far. I'm taking Seroquel, it's a major tranquilizer and makes me sleep very deeply....so I'm very well rested in the morning! Only thing is I have a hard time waking up in the morning. Hahahahah If I take it too late I will sleep through my alarm going off for ten minutes!!! So I have to be on time with the medicine which helps me to take it everyday..if it didn't matter what time I would keep on putting it off and eventually forget.

I have to say I have been really frustrated with the doctor because I want to be sure that I don't have something else going on other than BPD....I know i am borderline, but a lot of times people with bpd have other medical problems as well like bipolar and other stuff...When I try to bring up how I have felt in the past, they don't want to do that. I go frustrated and cried in the doctor's office because she acted like the past didn't matter. I told her it mattered to me. Being bpd makes me overreact to things so of course I overreacted to that situation.

School is a few weeks away from being over and I'm worried about my grades....Honestly I haven't really studied for anything.

Okay...off to work :(

-Holly

I hate to end up trapped in a miserable job. I quited my day job before finding a permanent job. I had actually been working at Walton as a land banker where I market and advise clients on several investment opportunities and assisted them in the process. BUT, both Cold and Warm Calling didn't work out very well and with a 40k-in-3-weeks-target given to me, def gave me a lot of stress in getting potential clients. And yeah, I told my manager and I'm thankful he accepted my resignation. Still, it would be another experience...

So now...
I, during a recession, am looking for another job. I got a phone call today and right now, that feels like the highlight of my day right now. I also got a call about continuing my education. That was a long call and I wanted to roll my eyes several times (why I didn't, I don't know.. I mean, it was a phone call) The woman was trying to push me into starting online classes in a couple of weeks (uh, no).

Well, I've started the serious job hunt. I've been looking around a little here and there, sending in the odd resume with some effort, but not much follow up. Had an interview yesterday that went pretty well, but not about to put all my eggs in one basket yet..

Was wondering how many jobs will I apply to before I get an interview invitation? How many of my resumes will be stucked in the HR inbox, never to be seen or heard from again? And the most frightening question of all, how long will it take for me to get a job? Only time will tell.. Getting a job is like winning the lottery. Anyway I have 2 job interviews tmr! Hooray! And another one scheduled for friday at 1.15 p.m. .

My quest to break into the marketing industry seems to be much more difficult than I had hoped. So, I'm re-evaluating a little bit. Perhaps Engineering? Gah! Job hunting is a headache. I have also tweaked my resume today. Hopefully that helps a little.

As dangerous as it is to hope like this, I will be checking my email like crazy and my heart will skip a beat every time the phone rings. Will tomorrow be the day? Wish me luck against all the local talents. haha. Anyway I'll be working for the rest of my life so taking things a little slow now isn't a bad idea :D


Alright, so rant over.

And Holly! I hope you are fine and hopefully the med is working. How's school and work going? hey seriously I can’t wait to talk to you again! We've missed each other for like a week or so. So here's two awesome cute little GREENIES to make you smile :)

Yes, I bought these two active little tortoises today! Tortoises are cool cos' they get to chill out all day, eat lettuce, and walk really slowly everywhere and enjoy their life off. So lucky. Plus they get to live a long life. haha.


The pretty new Moleskine that Holly gave me is still wrapped up nicely untouched. I keep thinking about things I could do with it, but when it actually comes down to writing the first alphabet or pasting the first cut out picture, it's so hard because I'm afraid I might do something I don't like and regret it later. Weird huh. haha.

I'm feeling a bit more positive today.
Here I sit with no intention of doing anything. This is just a bunch of random words and pictures that I can say, brighten my day.


-Shirley

So i haven't blogged in months I think...I can't remember. So much has been going on. I have been going through a really tuff time with my depression. I started having horrible spells of freaking out when I began feeling depressed. At one point I had images of hanging myself. I am not suicidal and I don't want to kill myself but I just had these images in my head. I freaked out and became even more scared because I felt like I had not control. Bummer. So my depression medicine had obviously stopped working. I'm now on a mood stabilizer and it seems to be helping but I still over react to a lot of things. My councilor is kinda screening me for Borderline Personality Disorder . She had me read a book on it and I could really relate. I have an appt today so we shall see what she says.
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is apparently responsible for almost 25% of hospitalizations concerning suicide. SCARY. It's between that and Bipolar but I'm starting to think it's BPD. Everyttime I freak out it's for a reason and people with bipolar actually don't always react to something...it just starts happening.
Because I started freaking out a lot, I couldn't work. The doctors took me off work for a month but I had to return early or I wouldn't get paid. So they released me to work but only for 4 hours per day. I'm up to 6 hours now but I almost can't stand it....I'm dreading the 8 hours.
Oh I didn't mention this before but I'm seeing a councilor a psychiatrist and then of course my family doctor so he knows what is going on. It's all confusing.
So I saw Twilight this past Friday and LOVED it. Well I mean certain parts were cheesy and I don't like that kind of stuff but ....that usually means they stayed really close to the book which is good. I haven't read the book so I wouldn't know...but I plan too. I think I liked the movie so much because of how Edward treated Bella. I mean....I'm not sure if relationships could ever be like that and in some areas I wouldn't want it to. I'm a Christian so I wouldn't want the guy to believe I am what he lives for....that's a lot of pressure. BUT Edward is a nice guy who cares and takes care of Bella in even the simplest ways which is what girls are always looking for. I'm sure not every girl looks for that and some aren't as romantic as others. But yeah...I guess that's why I like it.
I'm on Spring Break right now! BUT I still have work. Story of my life. I took off a couple of days though. :)

Well I guess I'll be blogging later...hopefully it wont take as long this time.
How are you Shirley!! I miss you!

-Holly

Today was fun.. Well sort of.. it was boring for a while and the pool was warmer today it was realy cool! So i went swimming with a friend today. I have been wanting to hit the pool ever since the start of work, trying to get rid of the aches and pains accumulated from work. Its been 5 months since i last get into the water. I thought I would end up getting out of the pool early. But I swam 40 laps today! And I did it with all smiles! haha that was like, Wow.




Swimming let my mind wanders, my head pounds, and my body works. Its weightless and cool. Nothing compares to a lap in the pool. And so I swam a couple of my laps on my back, just working on my kicking, so that I could keep my face out of the water to breath constantly. We went to the slides and the lazy pool too. Then, We picked up dinner on the way home from the pool and then bought a new swim cap.




Next.

My part time job at the baby fair is a soul-sucking, spirit-crushing boredom festival. I have to be chained to the baby products, eight hours a day. It’s like a huge chunk of my life gone, and if my boss suddenly turns into a monster (among other possible worst case scenarios), it can really cast an ugly pallor on everything else. Okay i shall not complain too much. 11 more days to the end of my job. :D

Now...

They all want me to get a good job like from locally (after graduation). But I could never live an average life like that; it will kill me. I'm not made to sit in a shop or an office all day. My mind is always on my stories, thinking about new ones, dreaming about what’s happening next. The life attracts me so much, I just cant seem to tell my family, I think i'm scared of disappointing them.


I just feel like moving to somewhere else (like the states), straight out of school to learn about the real world and build a business. Or maybe I should find a full time job and save up some money first.




This is exactly the stage I’m in right now; Seriously.
I have no idea where my life is going.


While I’m figuring things out, I'm going to use some of this “off time” to plan what I’ve been always want to do... I also plan on volunteering at a local organization and getting involved in the community; I need to build my soul back up, and volunteering is a good way to do it. I feel like taking some random classes and play guitar too.


But above everything else, i just wish i could pack a bag and hit the road until I make up my mind.


I am DECOMPOSING soon. (if i carry on not deciding what to do with my life.)

I realize how pathetic I sound. :( And I'm extremely nervous of getting back my results this friday. Pls pray for me... and GOOD LUCK TO ME!!!


“Is life not a thousand times too short for us to bore ourselves?” — Friedrich Nietzsche


how are you holly? did the medicine work? what are you up to? Let me know whats going on in your life!


Take care everyone!
and HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!

-Shirley

hey holly! I found this picture in my webcam's folder! hahaha. I wondered how it ended up there!! Guess I must have accidentally snapped it while we were chatting. Anyway, how are youuuuuuu? What have you been up to?


So, I have 2 more papers to go! one tomorrow and the other on friday. wish me luck!


I just talked to Keith awhile ago. He is coming to singapore with his canadian friend this sunday. Well, Keith is actually from Oklahoma U.S., and he's on a scholarship study for a year in a university in Beppu, Japan. Both of them have been on an Asia backpack trip ever since the start of feb and had travelled through Beijing, Shanghai, HongKong Macau and now in Bangkok. Then they would be here in Singapore for a week before heading to malaysia for a few days then flying back to Japan. Alright, so they are planning to stay here for a week or so and looks like they haven't have any itinerary yet and think it would be nice to bring them around here. Like some good food, beautiful and interesting sight seeings and good shopping deals. And we would sure take many pictures! So now I have something to look forward to after the boring exams! Oh yeah I have also wrote a long list of post-exams-activities! haha.


Hope everyone is fine! Take care!
Till then.


-Shirley

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.


Happy valentine's day. ;)



I received holly's package today! It was a big one! and I love everything in it! Thank you!! Cant wait to talk to you again! Hope you have a great weekend!


-Shirley

She's so beautiful-but too scandalous for me. :)

I'm sooo sorry I haven't blogged in forever. I've been busy I guess. I find myself running away from everything. From work, from responsibility, from life ...from all my problems. My doctor has taken me off work for a week. Lucky right? I just wish I knew how to get rid of feeling like I'm stuck. I've repressed things from the past and now they haunt me....I don't know how to hide from them-I can't anymore. I also can't face them. I wish I could face them...but I'm surrounded with life. Go to school then eight hours of work and then two and a half hours of free time which should probably be used for studying. And it's not that I'm tired....I'm fine with that. I'm just soo emotional and I don't want to do anything. I wish I had time and money to take a break and take care of the emotions I have bottled up.

Enough of being emo. Hahaha. Let me tell you a story!
So I was in Starbucks, writing in my journal. I was approached by this guy who started to ask me what I was writing about and if I wanted to be a writer. I explained maybe one day I would like to publish something (as many people do) but otherwise it is not my goal to be a writer. He began to ask me other questions about myself. He then wanted to know if I would like to go to dinner. I said that I had somwhere to go but he asked if I wanted to afterwards. I explained that I had a boyfriend. He rolled his eyes and said that my boyfriend was probably a jerk and I should be with him and leave my boyfriend. (WHAT??!!) He then sits down with me and continues to converse with me...I'm not good at being mean to people. He asked if he could sing for me and said we would need to go outside. He asked if I would kiss him if he sang well for me. I advised I really could not do that. Eventually I said I had to go and that I was really running late. He said "aww, I scared you off" hahahaha. I said he didn't, but come on! How did he not??

hahahahaha
i was pretty creeped out for a bit.
I hope everyone is doing well!

I miss you Shirley!!

-Holly

This little irish boy always look for me at work. He would run to me and say dia duit and give a gentle smile. aww. so cute.

hello - Dia duit (pronounced dia gwit)


So Holly said she cut her hair yesterday. I can't wait to see!
Now both Jake and Jesse have chinese names! cool.
Pray and wish me luck for steel design test on monday! Eww.


Shirley

Just now was massive. It was so crazy and yet awesome. Yeah but seriously.. we were so far yet so near, it was insane. I seriously hate the distance. We ended up staying at home doing facial masks.

I love facial masks, I don’t care if they are hydrating, whitening or anything , full of brainless things I could tell you if you got me really high cos I really love masks. Especially because they are so relaxing and I love the after effect.


Its even better to mask it up with your bestie. :)




So, my brain is FULL of thoughts, like really random things.

I need to get a job soon. a permanent one.

I feel like eating prata, soaked in curry.

Exams are coming. It just gave me a MASSIVE headache. I detest/cannot stand exams. Can’t wait for the next one month to pass, so I’ll be free. 26 more days.

My afternoon naps are making me an owl. I just love naps dont ask me why.

I really want to watch more movies. really.

I don’t think I’ve told alot of people this, but past midnight to dawn is my favorite time of the day. The whole world is asleep (except me of course) its chilly outside and its so peaceful. Its like everyone is actually shutting up and that’s what makes the silence so special. It all ends at 5+am though, that’s the time my grandmother wakes up.


If you know me long enough, I have a peculiar inability to count time backwards. I knew that my quiz starts at 1 p.m., yet I left my house at 12.20 p.m. thinking that I was perfectly on time. The journey to school takes about an hour, and for examinations, I usually make sure I leave the house 1.5 hours before the paper starts. But this time, I only realised how late I was when I arrived at the train station at 12.50 p.m., and was so stressed out while trying to hail a cab. I swear all my white hair grew out, fell out, and grew back out again during those moments before I finally arrived at the exam hall.

This incident also reminded me about another time I was like an hour late for an exam last semester, and strolled in like I was just on time. Stanley and Xinyi were like, "Hey I thought you weren't coming," then "What the hell !" when I told them I thought I was on time. HAHA.

I am always late. always. or like most of the time.



Life hasn’t been as carefree as i’ve wanted it to be. And there’s a nagging feeling that its gonna stay like this for a while until i’m certain of my future after i grad. Or maybe, its going to stay like that until i grow old. There’s a deep need to connect, but there’s no one close enough. the friends i hang out with are a bunch of fun loving people and they bring lots of joy and laughter into my life, but still it feels like something is missing. Can you hear me? why can’t i get close enough? I’m tired and sleep wouldn’t fix it.


And my wanderlust has not been satisfied. I really just want to pack up and travel around the world with my camera, books and money. I'd travel by train and maybe look up some friends. Think i might have to do it one day. :)

Lesson with holly later;
and a site visit report to go.


-Shirley

Well after over a week of gathering, sorting, designing and producing, my 'company' website is finally up. (Part of my steel design assignment) I am supposed to get it done ages ago but so much had been happening lately that I simply didn’t have time. But I'm so glad I've finished it. yay!


And like finally, I have completed my final year project report!!! It took a great deal of hard work and a whole lot of late nights and weekends to get it done but I am pleased with how it turned out. :)


but Now...

TWO more Indoor Air Quality reports

and a WET site visit report

due tmr.

And I haven't start on it. I'm finished.




I NEED 48 hours a day!!
WILL SOMEONE HELP ME!?!




I will write soon!

-Shirley

Maybe this week has really been a hard and awful one for her. An uncomfortable feeling and an empty feeling. The best cure for a broken heart is moving on and you would find you happier than ever before..

This is just a hiccup in life which in this life journey. I recall my friend's saying "God will make the guy to see that she is the one true love for him."

I understand that it will be hard to get over this episode as she has attached to him mentally and emotionally. I hope she can unwire and rewire to continue with life positively. :) Time heals all wounds and when he's ready to talk to you then he'll come around, in the mean time, just keep living your life and before you know it. :)


I think this quote is nicely written...
"If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got." So, do something different. do something now.

There are times where you feel so tired, so down, so bored; Like when everyone and everything is going against your direction...And you don't have the the energy to do anything, but SLEEP. So why not have more good rest? Sleep is really good. Then you're not aware of how bad you feel.

Dont be so hard on yourself alright. Everything will work out in time just do what you think is best and it will all be fine. Take care Holly!


I hope she feels better now and I am sure Jesus Christ will fill her heart with his Joy, Love, and Peace. Cant wait to talk to you again! And dont skip your meds again. :)
Cheers.



I will write more soon.

2 days to Chinese New Year = Red packets are piling!
I'm so glad you called today. :)



-Shirley

Scorpio
Oct 30
Enjoys Traveling, Reading, Writing, Teaching at church, Psychology, Starbucks, Sushi and Noodles.

``I like trying new things, as long as I'm with friends.
I have my ups and downs and i'm not perfect-I'm just trying to figure things out. I hope you can understand. :)

Gemini
June 18
Enjoys Traveling, Reading, Badminton, Swimming, Sightseeing, Movies, Pizza, Starbucks, Biology.

``I'm random and always up for a good laugh. I like comfortable silences, knowing someone so well that you don't have to speak. I find intelligence hot and strong personalities even more. Dislike being confined.

1. To achieve all those stated below
2. World Peace
3. Travel Around the World
4. Enjoy life and be with our loved ones
5. Have a good Career
6. End of Genocide Around the Globe
7. Our First Million
8. Stop Abortion
9. Work and Settle Abroad
10. A Friend in each country
11. Good Grades for our Academic
12. Lesser Homework for now


...to be continued. :D







Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.

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